When I was 14 and staying at my older sisters house (am now 25), my sisters (R, 35) boyfriend (B,34) who is now her husband, shoved his tongue down my throat, tried to feel my breasts and put his hands down my pants and told me it was okay because he would be my brother in law soon. I left the next day, went home and told my parents but as I was a rebellious teenager they didn't really believe me. I continued as part of the family not saying anything to anyone and R and B went on to have 3 boys.
As I've gotten older, my parents have realized I was telling the truth but not wanting to lose the grandkids, we continued to not say anything and I avoided being alone with B. My sister is aware there is tension but doesn't know what happened. As a big family, we usually spend christmas and birthdays together.
When I was 19, I started dating a guy called J. We were very in love but he had a few mental issues that weren't sorted out. He lived with my parents and I for a year and my parents loved him too. However he started damaging property when he got mad and got physical on a few occasions. I broke up with him, he went back to my parents house, threatened my mum and caused alot of property damage. He ended up going to a mental hospital and prison for 2 years for unrelated offences.
I'm now 25 and earlier this year I got back in contact with him, it probably wasn't the smartest choice but since getting diagnosed with schitzophrenia, being on medication, completed multiple anger management courses and sorting out his issues, he's like a totally different person. He's so much calmer, he's helpful and so self-aware. My parents have forgiven him and welcomed him back as they see how much he has matured.
In July I got pregnant and my parents bought us a house to rent. Every weekend J, my parents, my other sister (M) and I have been renovating and over time, through the pregnancy everyone has warmed up to him and been surprised at how supportive and great he's been. Except R and B. They refuse to be in his presence due to his past actions.
My mum said to give it time but I noticed they started getting hostile towards me. So my mum told my dad and earlier today he called up to try and discuss this.. •what will we do about christmas? •will R not see me in hospital? •will they just not come to family events he is at? Etc But they refused to even speak to dad about it and now my mum is telling me to not worry about it because they aren't. Dad is considering not even attending Christmas at their house this year.
I feel like I'm in a shit position because honestly I don't want B around my child. It's a girl and I don't trust him at all. But if I get that petty, surely R will realise something happened and I will cause more of a drift in the family. If I contact B separately to say "well if you're saying humans arent capable of change, why should I let you around my daughter", He might tell R that I'm making up lies. She would have to choose between us and him. If she chooses us, she has no car or skills and three children.. it will ruin her life and I genuinely believe she will choose him anyway.
I really have no idea what to do. I'm not asking for J to be their best friend and go over their house.. but its ridiculous they won't be in his presence. If J goes to a family picnic, they are refusing to come and they clearly wont negotiate. We have never had this kind of family drama.
Tl;dr My sister and her husband wont accept the father of my unborn child, what do?
Submitted November 28, 2018 at 01:50AM by RibenaFae https://ift.tt/2AwpVaG
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