TL/DR: BF wants us to spend time with woman who has feelings for him on our upcoming vacation.
BF and I have been together in an exclusive relationship for almost 2 years and are both +40. Since we met, he frequently talks about his female friend who he has slept with in the past. He's said that she still has feelings for him. (I didn't ask. He was kind of braggy and more than happy to share it.) They text constantly; they "heart" every post the other puts on facebook; and from conversations that we've had it's clear that he's overshared the sexual parts of our relationship with her (so they are obviously talking sex to each other, too). Although it annoys me and I cringe on the inside every time he mentions her name, it's been relatively easy to not worry too much about it because she lives on the other side of the country.
BF has been wanting to visit his parents for a while and he asked me if I'd like to come to meet them in February. (Note: he isn't "taking me to meet his parents"; he invited me on a trip he was taking anyway.) I said I'd like to come. Then, he said that as a reward for spending time at his parents house he'd take me to Washington DC for a couple days. I was really excited and asked what we were going to do and he said "I don't know yet, it depends on "female friend", as it's my only chance to see her". Yeah, DC is her home city. He is planning the whole trip around departing and leaving from DC while there are equal or better airports to use that are near other interesting and fun cities I'd enjoy visiting.
This is not a "reward" for me. I'm not sure WTF it is, but it isn't for me.
Obviously, he's already told her that he's coming and they are making plans together, and his comment confirms that I'll be second to anything she wants to do.
I was super excited about the trip until her name came up. Now, I don't want to go. I have no desire to waste my vacation days and money as a third-wheel while these two reunite. It wouldn't bother me if she was a friend, but as I mentioned above, he's said she has feelings for him still. I'm starting to wonder if he's been emotionally cheating?
Is it ok to say no to the trip? If so, any advice on how to come out of this not looking like the a jealous lunatic would be appreciated. I've been very tolerant of the bs he's thown at me regarding her for two years, but I think this is over the top.
EDITED TO ADD: A lot of commenters are asking why I'm allowing an emotional affair to continue. I just want to clarify that I don't live with BF, don't read his texts or snoop in his business, or don't know really how often he communicates with this woman. I've just had a general uncomfortable feeling about it all along; he, of course, says they are just good friends. It wasn't until this issue of seeing her on the trip (just yesterday) that I started to see that there might be way more to this than I thought. Please consider this as my "lightbulb moment".
Submitted November 29, 2018 at 02:12PM by pobalita https://ift.tt/2DS6gFC
No comments:
Post a Comment