What are my (35F) responsibilities if my longtime friend (35M)'s girlfriend (30?F) wants him to talk to me less?

I've been close friends with a guy since we were teenagers. We have a lot of common interests and talk most days, but we live a couple of hours apart now so we only see each other a few times per year. I'm happily married, my friend and my husband are friends now as well, and my friend has a girlfriend he's been with for a little less than a year. I've met her a couple of times and liked her, but I don't know her that well.

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Our relationship has almost always been fully platonic. We did try going on a couple of dates when we were both single in our early 20s, the dates were great but then we made out some and it was deeply weird so we decided to leave well enough alone. We also talk about our relationships and sometimes sex in ways that would be 100% normal with my girlfriends but is probably pretty unusual for straight, opposite sex friendships.

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So, a couple of weeks ago my friend said that his girlfriend read some of our conversations and doesn't want him to talk to me anymore. I'm not sure precisely what she read but that weekend I had asked him if they were in love and the answer was basically "she's great but," they are definitely a bit of an opposites attract couple and don't have a ton of things in common. He's pretty open with his phone so I think she stumbled on it rather than snooping but I didn't get details.

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He told her that cutting me out entirely is not going to happen but agreed to pare down and talk to me much less. We didn't talk much for a few weeks. Then, this past weekend he asked me to talk to him on Snapchat, when we normally text. I'm not dumb, the only reason to pick Snapchat over some other platform is because it deletes shit and obviously this means he's hiding it from his girlfriend, but honestly I missed him a lot so I just did it and didn't ask. We've been back up to basically our normal chat volume since. I'm torn--on the one hand, clearly he's doing something she's asked him not to do and is it right for me to participate in that? If she finds out he's misleading her about how much we're talking, is she going to lay down some kind of "me or her" ultimatum? I don't want to be cutoff or to be the reason for their breakup. On the other hand, I do feel like she's asked for something that's not ok (though not 100% irrational, given the backstory above) and that their relationship is between the two of them and he can manage it how he wants. If she's going to read threats to her relationship into conversations that aren't there, is it somehow actually better to just make sure she doesn't read that stuff?

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What would you do? Should I knock off the secret chatting and say talk in the open or not at all? Or is this fine?

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TL;DR: Friend's gf wants him to talk to me much less, instead of doing that we've basically gone underground and I'm not sure if that's ok or if I should stop.

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Submitted November 29, 2018 at 09:07AM by friend_tw https://ift.tt/2TYcdXe