Some context first:
I have basically grown up as the “black sheep” of my family ever since I came out as gay when I was 20. My family did not take the news well and almost everyone was surprised, as I typically present myself as more “masculine” and have been into sports, etc.
When I came out to my parents, they were so upset and disappointed, my dad was on the verge of bursting out into violence. If it wasn’t for my older brother “Ben” stepping in the way and sticking up for me, I’m sure things could have went a lot worse.
Since I came out, Ben has been nothing but supportive, stepping in for our parents and doing things that they no longer do ever since I came out. While things with Ben were amazing and while I have nothing but gratitude for everything he has done, internally I was still struggling a lot.
I’m not here to generate sympathy for my coming out story or to use it as an excuse for my following actions, please don’t think I am doing that, but after all this had taken place I kind of went down a dark path of partying & drugs. Really I just wanted to forget all the pain that had been caused by basically being put on the outskirts by my family. Again, I’m not trying to put on a boo-hoo poor me story, but just trying to explain what happened.
Long story short, I got into using opiates, first just at parties but then eventually I ended up becoming even more and more physically and emotionally dependent on them. As I spent more and more money on the pills, I got more and more desperate for cheaper options and eventually started selling sex on the side for extra money. As of right now, I have regular “clients” who pay me decent money for sex. I hate it but if it gets me the pills then I’ll do it because otherwise my body feels like absolute shit if I don’t take them.
I feel like I’m so far gone and I know I have a problem but the only person I can really talk to about this is Ben. But I don’t know how to even tell him all this shit, where to start or how to ask for help or even what kind of help I want. Neither of us have a lot of money so options are kind of limited.
Any advice and I would really be grateful.
Tl;dr: I don’t know how to tell my brother I am addicted to opiates and selling myself for sex.
Submitted November 29, 2018 at 04:17PM by Twinkeul https://ift.tt/2QuBrgX
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