Me [29F] with my BF [38M]. His "cool off" periods WAY too long and there seems to be a double standard with how we are allowed to express anger.

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 5 years. Everything is great for the most part and we don't fight very often. When we do fight, though, he tends to explode and it turns into a week long ordeal, regardless of how small the issue is. These fights are few and far between but his actions when he's mad always make me question the relationship.

When he's mad, he usually explodes. He yells, punches things, throws things, and mocks me (mimmicks my voice), and curses A LOT. I can usually find a way to calm him down, but then he needs "space" which can be anywhere from 3 days to a week. After that he comes back calm and more reasonable, but I spend a week devastated, not knowing what the status of our relationship is, and dealing with the aftermath of a huge fight alone. I'm cool with giving him some space, but after 5 years we should be able to have arguments and be mad at each other while also still feeling loved, safe, and secure. I'm also always the one who has to break the silence. I can always tell when these episodes are coming and I'll try and de-escalate immediately which tends to set him off even faster because it seems like what he really wants is an excuse to explode.

Sometimes this will happen after I bring up a legitimate concern I have with the relationship and his reaction will end up morphing the conversation into being about his behavior during arguments instead of the original issue I wanted to talk about. What's really frustrating is that if I express frustration, snap, or lose my cool with him in even the SLIGHTEST way, he's instantly pissed. I feel like he's allowed to speak out of anger but I'm not. I'm never fully allowed to express my feelings and I never feel heard.

TL/DR: My BF is amazing 90% of the time but his temper and how he handles arguments really worries me. How do I give him the appropriate amount of "space" after a fight while also making sure my own needs are met?

Submitted November 14, 2018 at 11:06PM by PotatoMuffinMafia https://ift.tt/2Q2iySg