Hi all.
First of all, I’m 31M, have been with 33F for six years, we own a house together and have a dog, we normally have sex once or twice a week but both have found our libidos dropping due to stress (she is a very stressed lawyer, I am a research scientist working on a stressful project). However, she is truly my best friend, I love her greatly and she gives me butterflies, I am frequently struck by how stunning she is, we plan to marry in 2020, we don’t want kids and I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else. I have nothing but positive things to say about her. The only bump we have ever had is this libido issue, which is making both of us feel a little blah, and both desiring to feel desired again. We are trying to rekindle the spark, because, while we do have sex, it’s a little lacklustre lately (with the occasional great session). Also, full disclosure: I have asperger’s (or I guess it’s autism now but I digress) so emotions are not my forte.
Now that that’s out of the way! The issue: a new researcher came on my team about a month ago. She’s about 25, and she’s nice enough. I definitely thought she was pretty but in a very offhand way. I didn’t think anything of it. Lots of pretty people. We were assigned to work on something together and we work well as a team and get along. Still fine.
Then one day about a week ago, I genuinely do NOT know what happened... I get to work and she comes in and suddenly I’m like... I’m 16 with my first crush (late bloomer...) and an absolute mess. I cannot think straight. I’m so distracted that I shattered a bunch of lab equipment like I’m in undergrad. I can think of nothing else. I have to physically pinch myself to stop daydreaming. I’ve started carrying a book everywhere so as not to have any downtime to start thinking. It is stressing me out SO BADLY and then I think I have a handle on it and then the next day it starts again.
I don’t know why, even. She’s pretty but I definitely prefer my partner yet it’s like a big dumb magnet. And she’s kind of irritating sometimes? And says things that annoy me and yet I’m like a quivering mass of idiot hormones. I very, VERY rarely feel attracted to people. Probably that’s a spectrum thing, I just don’t even notice people really. So this has blown me away. I can only assume it’s some archaic pheromonal response rising up from my ancestral beginnings to punish me for something.
I have not ever and would never cheat. Absolutely not. It’s abhorrent to me. I have cut contact with her as much as possible while being able to finish this project. We will be done in a month and I won’t see her for awhile. I don’t message her ever, I don’t hang out with her outside work, and I’ve doubled down on wooing my partner to show how much I love her and to transfer some of this absurd energy.
But... I feel SO GUILTY. I feel like a terrible person. I feel horrible that I have a dream about someone that I would NEVER in a million years pick over my amazing partner.
To make matters worse, some colleagues implied heavily to me today (read: said it outright) that she has a crush on me. So I basically never want to talk to her again but I have to so there’s that.
So is there anything I can do to make this go away? I know time is the answer and probably spicing up sex with my partner but again, spectrum, sensory issues, sex is complicated for me (and my partner re: trauma) so I don’t know what to do there. I’m obviously just hooked on the thrill of new attraction so how do I make it stop? I feel horrible and I kind of hate myself.
Tldr: how does a practically married bloke go about controlling a raging crush on someone who isn’t even all that?
Submitted November 28, 2018 at 02:04PM by thatsallthereisnt https://ift.tt/2DQmbUU
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