Hi everyone.
Just going to start off quick by saying I am posting from the UK, therefore the finances I discuss here may vary drastically from wherever you guys are in the world.
I'm 25 and have been with my 35 year old partner for 7 years. 2 years ago, we went through IVF to have our son as I was struggling to fall pregnant. He is now 1.5. I am 3 months pregnant with our second baby who was a surprise and no medical help was needed.
For 2 years I didn't even live with my partner as he preferred living with his parents despite being in his late 20s. He had a pretty good life there, he didn't have to pay rent and also didn't have a job.
Eventually I got sick of his lazy ass attitude and told him to find work. We moved out together not long after he got a full time job. He was earning £1,500 a month from his job, which isn't a lot but it's above minimum wage in the UK. I was also working full time so we managed just fine.
For the past 4 years he has constantly chopped and changed jobs. Claiming that he gets 'bored' being in just one workplace for too long. Whenever he has had a job, there is always a problem with it. There is always a boss or a manager that is treating him bad, it is always a 'bad workplace.'
After I began IVF treatment and fell pregnant, he promised me that he would stay in the job he had. For a year he stayed woking there full time, earning £1,400 a month. His parents actually congratulated him when they found out he had been at his workplace for over a year. Claiming he'd never achieved that before.
He then suddenly decided he only wanted to work part time and began working 3.5 days a week. At this stage, I was already on maternity leave and earning basically nothing.
He is still working part time and I have gone back to work, also working part time. I won't work full time because I want to be at home for my children and enjoy them being as though it took us as long to get them. He has little to no excuse for working part time other than he just doesn't want to work full time. What can I really say to that? I have even turned to his parents for help and it made me realise they are probably the reason he is as lazy and feels entitled. His Dad recommended that I went back to work full time and left my partner at home to look after the kids. His own words, about my partner were 'He doesn't really like working or do well in work places. You clearly do because you have a good job so can you go back to work full time and leave him at home?' - No, the answer to that question was, no I can't, and shame on his father for not encouraging him to provide for his young family.
Anyway, he recently discovered that finances were getting on top of him and we were struggling to afford the rent and such. I think Christmas approaching has also caused this stress in him (Even though I've paid for all of our sons gifts) He has started pushing the blame on me, without directly saying those words.
A few nights ago he told me that he wanted to know how much I pay out every month so we can work out my monthly contribution to the house so that it is more fair on him. I already pay for the water bill, gas (I don't mean for a car, in the UK we pay for gas to heat a property via radiators, also known as AC to Americans.) This in itself is pretty expensive with it being cold and winter. I also buy all of our groceries and pay for all childcare costs. I gave him what he wanted however, and broke down my monthly income and spending. I have £30 left over a month after all of my expenses are paid - I can use that if I need new clothes or want to see friends. I usually use it however, to pay for us to go on date nights. I expected my partner to take sympathy and stop hounding me for money after that, but he didn't. Instead he said "I'm surprised you have £30 a month left when you make out you can't help me more towards the rent." Really? that was the only response I could come up with. I honestly hope to God that he wouldn't expect my last £30 but something makes me think he would take it if I gave it up.
Tonight I sat him down and told him I'm sick of him walking around the house, making everyone else miserable because he is struggling for money. I told him he has to go back into full time work and suck it up. I directly told him he has no excuse for not working full time and he needs to get a grip instead of putting additional pressure on his pregnant, working partner who also raises his son. I know for a fact his workplace offered him full time hours again and he declined.
He said he didn't want to work full time. That was it. The discussion was over. There is nothing more I can do or say to help this man and he is making my life miserable with his accusations about money. 100% of our arguments are focused around money due to him. He could resolve all of his issues by going back to work and working full time hours again, he won't. It makes me so angry because he is a perfectly fit, healthy 35 year old man. My Dad is 55 years old and still works full time, 8am until 6pm Monday to Friday. What is my partners excuse?
Input please. How do I approach this? I also know it may seem odd that I did IVF and have 1.5 children with a man who I clearly haven't discussed finances with in depth - but this isn't the case. When we first began trying for a baby he told me that he wanted us to keep our finances separate, I presume it's because he didn't want to share money with me. The ironic and hilarious thing is, ever since he has been struggling for money he has now began insisting that we share finances because he wants access to my limited monthly income. If it was the other way around, which it has been, many times, and I wanted to share finances because I was struggling, he would say no (And also has done in the past.)
Thanks.
TL;DR - My partner is refusing to work full time hours at his job and is blaming me for the lack of income. What do I do?
Submitted November 28, 2018 at 06:00PM by relaxdontdoi20 https://ift.tt/2RledXL
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