26M moving to a new city for work. GF (27F) of two years thinking of doing the same. Idk how confident I am in this relationship anymore. What should I do?

Tl;dr: I (26M) am moving to a new city in a few months for work. My GF (27F) is wanting to move up with me and was just offered a job. I’m not sure how confident I am in this relationship anymore. We’ve been fighting a lot more these last few months and it’s raised bigger flags with our relationship. How can we best navigate this? What should I do? How do we know it’s time?

More details:

So we’ve been together for two years and this is both of ours first serious relationship. With that comes a lot of headaches but I think our relationship is healthy overall. With that said, I feel like we were very different people from the beginning but we somehow made it work.

Throughout our time together, I’ve wondered a few times if we should stay together. I’ve thought that we’re too different or that we’re not good for each other a few times. This past year has been great, though, but the added pressure from the move is starting to hit us. These last few months have had us consistently fighting over small things and I’m now doubting our future together for the first time in a while.

My biggest concerns are with the way we view relationships and our overall support infrastructure. I view relationships as two independent people who help each other grow and support each other through life but only part of a larger support network of friends and family. She views relationships as basically the one thing that’s needed - like the husband will take the place of ones family and then no friends are really needed (as a side - she doesn’t really have a lot of friends I think partially cause of this). I know I can’t be that type of support structure. I also don’t think that’s healthy. I think this can best be summed up as me being a very independent person and her being the exact opposite of that.

I also think she can be really negative. I’m an incredibly positive person that likes to believe in people and stay happy (the flip side of this could be naivety). She can be the exact opposite of that, assuming the worst in people, having very low self-esteem, being judgmental, etc.

Just to keep it a little positive, I also think she can be incredibly caring, I could see her being a great mom/grandma, and she’s super brilliant/passionate about her work. And to further defend her, she thinks I’m not willing to sacrifice for this relationship, she is worried about my commitment to her/thinks I’m flaky, and thinks I prioritize my friends too much.

At the end of the day, i absolutely love her and would love to make this work but the move is making this very difficult. We don’t really have enough time to take a break and see how it goes and I’m terrified of her uprooting her life for something that may not end well.

Submitted November 29, 2018 at 07:45AM by a-beer https://ift.tt/2RimOus