My [26F] parents send my ex-boyfriend good morning messages...2 years after we broke up. I’m increasingly uncomfortable with their relationship and unsure how to handle it anymore.

I [26F] broke up with my ex-boyfriend [28M] (of 6 years) 2 years ago after a very long, ugly, years-in-the-making decline of the relationship. I’ve had no contact with him since 2016.

Very shortly before we ended things, he got very close to my parents [63F and 58M]. In fact, when we ended it for the very last time, he went to my house when I was at school and told them the most skewed, self-victimizing version of the breakup.

Due in part to what he said, my parents (mainly my mom) asked me to drop out of school to “work on being a better person” because they thought that law school made me into the kind of person who could hurt him.

Very shortly after, I moved into my own place. There were a lot of reasons for the move out, but a major part of the decision was that I felt they prioritized my ex boyfriend over me based on how it appeared they’d rather have him and I together than have me in professional school. It was honestly one of the worst periods of my life. There was 5 months in between where I had no contact with my parents.

But I did end up patching things up with them. It was hard work. We talked about a lot of uncomfortable things, and found that there are some things that we’ll never agree on (namely my romantic relationships and the level of control/involvement they get in them). But overall, we forged a loving, kinda-functional relationship. We’ve had good communication, support, all that for over a year now.

I knew my parents still had contact with my ex. I knew he got their Christmas card and they sent him happy birthday emails. I told them it bothered me, and that I wished they wouldn’t, but I also said that they’re adults and I can’t control who they associate with. I figured if I wasn’t giving them control of who I dated, I couldn’t ask for control of who they were friends with.

This weekend, I spent some time at home. My mom (of course) brought up my ex, and how nice and funny he is and how we should start talking again. She then started talking about how he responds the funniest things to my dad’s “good morning” messages.

I think I should explain something about my dad’s good morning messages. When he wakes up, he sends out these really horrible puns. (“Why doesn’t the robot-beach have lifeguards? The waves aren’t big enough to be dangerous...they’re microwaves.”) I love my dad’s good morning messages. I send him back even worse puns. It’s great. There’s something so pure about waking up to terrible puns your dad sent at 5am. I adore those messages.

I thought my dad was sending them to me and my siblings. I had no idea he was sending them to my ex. When I inquired further, my mom admitted that she texts to him almost daily too.

It hurts. I keep telling myself that it’s their prerogative to text who they want but it bothers me. Every message I get now, I feel like it’s a reminder that he’s oh so important to my parents because he gets the same morning love as me—like somehow I don’t feel the same about my “good morning” messages because he gets them too. Its like I’ve had something that made me feel special taken from me.

And some days I feel like their relationship with my ex is really, really unhealthy. The daily reminder has taken something that I could ignore (the disagreement we have over how much control over my love life they get)and made it something that bothers me every single day.

What should I do? I see it kinda 3 ways:

I’ve told my parents their contact with him hurts me. I’m pretty sure it’s not normal. I don’t think I can stop them, but I can’t avoid the fact that their relationship bothers me.

A friend suggested I contact my ex and ask him to stop talking to them, but I feel like that opens up the line of communication between him and I, which is something I’ve fought very hard to close.

And...I know I could grow up and get over it. Maybe I’m making something out of nothing and I need to grow up. Maybe it’s normal for parents to have this level of contact with their kid’s exes, and I need to get over it.

TL;DR - I found out my parents have daily contact with my ex. It’s weird, I hate it, but I’m not sure if I should just shut up and deal with it.

Thanks for reading this, and thanks in advance for your advice : )

Submitted July 30, 2018 at 02:12AM by pupperfysh https://ift.tt/2KcXa64