We are recently married and have a toddler together.
We both work in the same field, but within different departments and at different locations.
His work has always been an issue for us. For example, last year I desperately wanted him to move to a closer location because he was commuting hellish distances, it was making childcare very difficult, I was lonely, and also he had history with several women there (that he had lied to me about previously).
Long story short he was a hard no on that one and was fairly rude about it. He said he liked his colleagues and liked working there and refused to move. This has meant I am essentially doing all of the childcare despite being a working mum myself as he is commuting so far. He has made it clear he views him doing any parenting as “helping” and should be thanked for it.
He cares a LOT about what people think of him and is definitely a people pleaser at work. I know this has been an issue in previous relationships as he puts excess amounts of importance on how he is viewed to others. I maybe used to be a bit of a people pleaser but since becoming a mom my world view has shifted a fair bit and I won’t tolerate bullshit.
Anyway, he is constantly late. He just does not seem to care and more than that tells me I should just suck it up and expect it and I’m ridiculous for ever thinking that maybe he should make more of an attempt to leave on time.
Today he missed our couples therapy session because he was late. Evidently he forgot it was even happening. He definitely could have asked someone else to do the jobs he was staying late for.
His attitude to it really bothered me. He said it didn’t matter that he forgot, that he would have been late anyway, “so what?” So he didn’t care about inconveniencing me, the therapist, the babysitter I had booked. He said he forgot because he was so busy at work and that was to be expected. And then blamed me for even booking the session on that day because he’s usually late on Fridays. He clearly didn’t give a crap and worse than that didn’t even feel slightly sorry that I was sat there alone with the therapist apologising on his behalf.
He constantly tells me I’m the issue, that he’ll always be late. I’ve tried explaining a million times it’s not just him being late but how it makes me feel and his attitude to it (like why can’t he at least be a little sorry?) but he just acts like I’m some unreasonable crazy who freaks out whenever he’s a minute late (it’s usually more like 1.5-2 hours).
I’m just at my wits end. Couples therapy doesn’t seem to be helping with it because he just doesn’t listen to me. I don’t even know if this will change and I don’t know what to do. We’re meant to be trying for a second child and I’m seriously doubting it’s a good idea.
tldr Husband puts work above his family and coupled therapy isn’t working. I just don’t know what to do
Submitted April 01, 2022 at 03:00PM by workthrowaway7363 https://ift.tt/idV8jSW
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