Using a throwaway for this. I (M24) have lived with my current girlfriend (F24) for a little under three years now, and have been with her about three and a half. Shortly before moving in together, she got rid of her car (I was never clear on what happened and I feel pushy whenever I bring it up), so I said that she could use my car when I didn't need it but that I would like to not be hampered by the need to facilitate her transportation.
These days, I often drive her to and from engagements, as did my friend from high school who shared an apartment with us for a year. I'm feeling a little embarrassed by my friend having had to do that, as well as frustrated because I feel like I can't plan anything without first checking whether she has transportation, and I highly value flexibility in my own schedule. Public transit is useless where I live (bus stops are infrequent) and rideshares are expensive, so I don't want to condemn her to having to use either on a regular basis, but I'm also tired of having to apologize to friends and colleagues for my inflexibility when I have to alter plans because she needs a ride somewhere.
I've been asking her to look into getting a car of her own and even offered to split the cost 50/50, and she's done some searching but unless I'm constantly mentioning it, it falls off the radar and it's become a major point of contention in our relationship. I'm starting to wonder if I'm acting entitled, because I know that we live in an expensive area and that a car may not be presently feasible (she has a job, but she's been in and out of jobs since we started living together and hasn't had much time consistently working one to really save up; not her fault, the job market is just terrible right now). I fear I'm asking for something unrealistic and that the relief it would provide for me isn't worth the stress it's putting on her, given that anyone who (for example) has kids just lives like this by default and they may complain about it but they don't expect it'll change or feel entitled to a freer schedule.
Also, the thought has crossed my mind that maybe I should just buy her a car, and that if this really matters to me then that's what I ought to do, but given that she got rid of her old car from her family for vague reasons (and just cost-wise) I'm hesitant to do that. We both hate driving, and I suspect that she's deliberately avoiding driving as much as possible, though that's a big accusation, and I wouldn't even blame her if it were true. Driving is unreasonably dangerous, and, if the option were viable, I would avoid it too, but it's unfortunately necessary. Anyway, thoughts? Insights? Similar experiences?
TLDR: My girlfriend won't get a car, and I'm feeling restricted schedule-wise by the need to take responsibility for her transportation.
Submitted April 15, 2022 at 03:33PM by BumblebeeInside1724 https://ift.tt/HjxQ1uP
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