My (39M) fiance (34F) and I have been together for 3 years, living together over the last few months.
Prior to moving in together, we would typically go through 8-10 cans of beer apiece while watching movies/tvs on Saturday.
She has a history of alcoholism in her family- her father and uncle were alcoholics. Her Mom divorced her Dad because of it, although they later reconciled prior to his passing about 7 years ago.
I never thought she may have an issue until we started hanging out with her work friends. On two occasions, she would downed drink after drink with no intention of slowing down, despite my subtle hints/suggestions. At first she'd act bubbly, then she'd start to act different - insecure, pouty, clingy. I brushed off those instances and chalked it up to chance.
This past summer, I hosted her weekend birthday party at my condo. Her friend drove up from out of state to surprise her. I worked until Saturday afternoon, met her friend at her place, and texted her to come over (keeping everything a surprise). She replied that she'd rather stay at her friends place a bit longer. After much coaxing, she made the drive with her friend. She was tipsy at the least. I then learned that she drove down while drinking a hard seltzer. That weekend, I feel that I took a backseat to her drinking and her friends. Still, I chalked it up to wanting to let loose.
The day I purchased our house, we celebrated at a local taco place and returned home. At that time, I noticed her habit of grabbing two beers from the fridge - both for herself. That night, she continued to drink to excess even though I asked her to slow down.
Soon after we moved in together, she hosted two friends at our place. I worked 12-12 that day. When I arrived home, the garage door was open (the heat was on as it was winter), the place was kind of a mess, and I found her wasted in bed. I also found a pack of cigarettes in her car (she had previously quit). When I confronted her about it, she said that work had been stressful and she turned to smoking once in a great while to cope.
We spent a large amount of time last week working on getting my condo ready for an open house. Last Thursday, she showed up at the condo to let the appliance delivery guy in and work on some doorknobs. She had previously made plans to go to a baseball game with said coworkers. Since I worked Thursday, we both planned to get up early Friday morning to put the finishing touches on the condo.
She texted me sparingly throughout the game and then radio silence. Several hours later, I asked what she was doing and she replied 'out.' I texted her back and called her to no answer. Several texts and calls later, she finally picked up at 1:30am and told me she was at the bar with her friends. She claimed that she only had 3 drinks and that she was good to drive home. She sound tipsy and made several contradicting comments when we were talking.
We had a big fight the next day where I explained that her drinking concerned me. While I acknowledged that I had let it fester, I was hesitant to bring it up because of her family history. We discussed our history with alcoholism (my stepfather was an asshole after 1-2 beers) and she agreed that she can have a hard time knowing when to stop. We both agreed to voluntarily curb our alcohol consumption.
Things seemed good - we watched a movie Sunday night and I had one beer with dinner - she didn't drink any. When I came home from work last night she seemed tipsy, beer in hand. After realizing that I seemed uncomfortable, she asked me if everything is okay. I asked how much she had drank so far - she became defensive, said 'three beers' and stormed off to bed.
We talked things over, but when I came to the kitchen there were four beers in the recycling bin and one hidden in a discarded box of mini tacos. I confronted her about this and she told me her dog knocked over two beers, but had no idea how one can found its way into an empty box.
We fought again today - she insists that it's all in my head and that she can drink whatever she wants whenever she wants. Finally, I promised that I would cut my beer consumption down drastically if she would do the same - no more than one to two beers on my day off, if that. She wanted six (originally said less than ten is acceptable), then we had to compromise at four.
Today she also let me know that she's been vaping once every three work shifts. She said she's been wanting to tell me for awhile, but it never seemed like the right time. She still has the pack of cigarettes in her car.
Honestly, I don't know what to do here. Am I crazy? I don't want to tell my friends or family members about this and she's been my sole confidant for three years.
TL;DR I love my fiance but I'm concerned about her alcohol intake and am afraid she's not taking my concerns seriously.
Submitted April 29, 2022 at 07:18PM by Deep_Fix_3544 https://ift.tt/XWGI8ht
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