Somehow, this has become a pattern. We (29fs) have been together for ten years, married for 4, and since we married we have slowly "assessed" (read, been decided by her) what are "my jobs" - and it turns out to be everything. Hoovering, washing up always, taking bins and recycling out, cleaning the bathroom, the living room, and cleaning out the guinea pig each time. The only thing she does is laundry- and that's because she "doesnt trust me" to get it right with "her" clothes.
Her excuse is "she doesnt make this mess" which in some cases fine - in others not.
Heres the thing, she moans and yells and cries constantly about the house not being clean enough, but doesnt actually do anything to change it. I work out of the house 4 days and week from 7 - 7pm, and I'm expected to do all of this and cook dinner too. I've asked her for more help and she refuses. I'm losing my mind here.
It's got really bad today - we threw a friend of ours a 30th birthday on Friday night, for which I cleaned the entire house, mopped floors, took out boxes, got rid of items like TVs and old kettles etc, moved the guinea pig, and put light up. She moaned about having the party anyway, and tidied some clothes away. We had the party, I got up after 3 hours of sleep to clean up, throwing away all the cups and bottles, cleaning up the table, moving pillows and blankets back to where hey are supposed to be. I then went out and got her hangover juice and bought her a takeaway.
This morning, she absolutely lost her mind and started yelling and swearing from the moment I woke up. I had got up to clean the rest of the flat (which was a small quantity dishes and mopping the kitchen floor) and she starts screaming about how I havent done anything and oh my fucking god I'm so lazy and everything reeks of booze and piss. I point out that I cleaned the place yesterday, to which she says "no you didnt, X (our friend who left the party early) did a lot of it."
I'm absolutely stunned by this. What the hell is she thinking??? I DID IT, in the morning, when she was still fucking sleeping. X might have put a few bottles in the recycling when he left, but the party went on til 7am - there was a lot.
It really falls me for her to act like this, and STILL not do anything. I'm at my wits end, and need help telling her that she needs to do more if she wants more to happen without her accusing me of shifting blame (which she does all the time). I cant be responsible for all of these areas, do them all three times in three days, and still be told it's not enough, with zero help. Thanks.
Tldr: wife complains and blames and makes me feel bad and undermined re cleaning but never does any herself. She says she cant live in this house, but does nothing to contribute to its upkeep other than laundry whilst working from home whereas I work away every day and get home late.
Edit: I'm definitely not perfect, I can get angry and swear and shout at inanimate objects and I have severe ADHD so ny thought patterns arent th best and I'm very forgetful, but I try so hard and she even says to me "you're so much better than when we first met" but it's still never enough, and there are double standards because she can behave however she wants but if I get angry I'm told I am being childish and talking back, like shes my fucking mum.
But she can say things like "you make my life a living hell" despite her doing nothing to change anything in her life and me doing it all, but if I say I want counselling or to break up that's "immature" and "giving up" and "nasty."
Submitted April 10, 2022 at 03:19AM by hypatiaplays https://ift.tt/t9WLoD4
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