Hi all, Just looking for some advice on how to move forward from something that happened between myself and two of my best friends (28F’s). I’m trying to not make any decisions while emotional but I’m really bothered and don’t know how to move forward.
My partner (28M) of 10 years and I got engaged in September 2020, and immediately I asked my 4 best friends (+2 other girls who I’m very close to for a total of 6 bridesmaids) to be in our wedding. They all have been my best friends for over 10 years, the relationships have always been super solid. They’ve seen me through my ups and downs, and I have been there equally for them (they often call me the group therapist). I made sure to be mindful of not talking wedding too often, as I understand that no one cares as much as my partner and I do about it. If they asked for specifics, of course I’d share, and if there was necessary info, I’d share (eg important dates to book off or bridesmaid dress options). Our wedding is finally coming up in September 2022.
Recently, my MOH (we’ll call her Belle) got engaged as well to her boyfriend of 2 years. Her fiancé asked for my help planning and ordering the ring, which I did. I even helped by taking her out for the day so he could set up - she was of course, thrilled. We all were so excited for her. A few hours after her proposal, she messaged me consistently asking questions about booking venues, etc. I tried to answer as much as I could, but also advised her to take it slow and enjoy her engagement season. 2 days later, she messages our group chat advising she got a whole host of booking done - venue, date, catering, etc. I congratulated her once again, and from our conversation from the previous day, I said: “oh did you ever end up finding that dj?” She responded no she hadn’t. Absentmindedly, as I was at work, I just said “so what’s your vibe for your wedding!? I am sure I’ll have tons of stuff if you wanted it”. She then sent some screenshots of some things she liked, however.. in the screenshots, there was a message from my other bridesmaid (Linda) talking crap about me. The message said “Without being in love or her wedding, she’s nothing lol”.
Immediately after I read it, I got a phone call from Belle. She sounded nervous, and said “Um so I have to be honest, you made me feel overwhelmed asking about DJ and I was venting to Linda, and I just wanted to be honest with you”. I replied that I had seen the screenshot, I wished that she had just told me she was feeling overwhelmed and told her I had to go. Since then, they’ve apologized incessantly. The excuse has been that she was overwhelmed, was comparing herself to me (even though… she’s been engaged 2 days there’s no reason to compare), and was just being petty. Linda also apologized, stating she was just trying to make Belle feel better and she by no means meant what she said.
I gave it a few days, then tried to move on because I felt like continuing the awkwardness was just not worth it. A day after I spoke with them advising I accepted their apologies, Belle invited me and a bunch of other mutual friends out for drinks to celebrate her engagement. I didn’t stay long, but I did go to show support. During the night, I felt so angry. She didn’t really speak to me until I was leaving. It’s still frosty between us now. Linda, however has been normal-ish towards me, but not as friendly as usual.
I really don’t know what to do. Right now, I’m still so hurt and angry. Part of me doesn’t want them involved in the wedding at all - I feel like my trust has been eroded in them, and despite their excuses, there’s really no explanation that is good enough to act like that, especially at our age. On the other hand, I feel I know their character well enough to say this was truly probably a one off, Belles insecurities are bad typically and I was just the scapegoat for once. I just don’t know how to move forward, or even repair the relationship. Ugh.
My bachelorette, wedding, etc is fast coming and I don’t want Belle to be involved if that’s how she feels about me. She’s assured me she doesn’t feel that way, but like I said, my trust is gone. I feel like I can’t sit there while she gives a touchy, feely speech about me and have this in my head. I feel upset that she didn’t seem as upset by this whole fiasco, because it really affected me. (That’s stupid, I know.) My fiancé is super upset as we’ve supported both girls through very tragic times, and feels this was a major backstabbing.
TLDR: I caught my best friend and MOH, and other bridesmaid talking shit about me. What do I do? How do I move forward?
Submitted April 09, 2022 at 08:57PM by thene0n https://ift.tt/GUSdDnP
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