My (F20) boyfriend (M36) and I have been seeing each other for 9 months now. It feels like we've argued more than the average couple but maybe that is because we are both very opinionated people. Something that might start an argument is for example if we are out on a walk and he'll comment on someone's hair color (if it's an unnatural color) and the clothes they wear and make fun of them and I'll tell him that he is being rude. And then he'll get upset with me that I care so much about it and that it's just a joke. But he does that kind of thing so often.
Something he has commented on while we were in the store together was the fact that I took the time to turn all of the things I'm buying the right way in the register to make the cashier's job easier. And he just tells me that he has been a cashier and that they don't care and that I shouldn't make an effort.
So anyway, yesterday I came across a video which clearly demonstrated appreciation of customers who turn the bar codes the right way. The video was found on tiktok and it was short and made in a funny way. So I sent it to my boyfriend and told him to look at the comments as well as multiple people in there were also expressing gratitude towards customers who did that. I tried to say in a joking way that I felt validated now. But he just took that as an opportunity to get mad at me. Because he has been a cashier and tiktok is 0.000001% accurate and that I should trust him and not "fucking tiktok". And he goes on and on about how I've never been a cashier so I don't know anything and that it's not the first time I trust someone else over him and "have no faith" in his experience.
I think what he is referring to is when I'm trying to provide another perspective. So that both of us aren't just bashing something and not considering another point of view. For example, he'll complain about what some company has done, and go on and on about how bad it is and that they shouldn't have done it. And then I say that maybe they did it because X. This always makes him think that I'm disagreeing with him and he just always takes it in the worst way possible. And he says I always take the other person's side and never his side when I'm really just trying to have a nuanced discussion with him.
So my question is how I can fix this. How do I make it known to him that I do value his input but that I also want to look at it from other perspectives and not just trust him blindly? Maybe that will always sound harsh. He does think he is smarter than most people, even goes as far as telling me that he is. So that makes me think that maybe he will never accept me having a different opinion since he'll always think he's right.
Tl;dr: My bf and I get into arguments a lot and he wants me to just trust him blindly and not question his experience. I try to tell him that I just want more nuanced discussions but he always thinks he's right and that there's no need for debate. How do I let him know in a nice way that I don't want to blindly trust him but that I still value his input?
Submitted April 30, 2022 at 01:24AM by vigouronrt https://ift.tt/ZbvftQW
No comments:
Post a Comment