This past weekend, I (21f) looked at my boyfriend (24m) of two years' phone without his knowledge. I really didn't have a motive to do so, but I noticed that his chat with his two best friends was especially active lately and I became curious. (FYI, we have each other's phone passwords but are only on the other's when in the car changing the music or something). When I took a look, I saw that his friends had been shit-talking me. Calling my existence "cringe" after one of them shared an invitation I had extended to them for a party that I attached a bitmoji to (for jokes, anyway). A few messages up, one of them was shit-talking my band that I am incredibly proud of. All this to say that my boyfriend hadn't reacted to a single comment of theirs. I was 1) hurt that his friends who I have been nothing but kind to were acting like high schoolers, talking down about someone several years younger and degrading me without reason and 2) hurt that my boyfriend did nothing to defend me in the chat. I wound up confronting my boyfriend about it, saying that I had looked at his phone and apologized for doing so, but that the comments I stumbled across hurt me very much. I took accountability for looking at his phone without his knowledge and he forgave me, but he insists his friends like to get a rise out of him and that he just ignores it when they do. I don't think that it is chill under any circumstance to "roast" me the way that they do, outright insulting my existence and my passions. I'm not sure what approach to take with my boyfriend if he feels that not defending me was an appropriate reaction to take with his best friends. Thoughts?
TL:DR: Boyfriend's friends insulting me in a groupchat with him, boyfriend insisting it's them trying to get a rise out of him. I don't see anything okay with it, especially since he didn't bother to defend me.
Submitted April 18, 2022 at 03:59PM by harshnoisebae https://ift.tt/SFIe4iR
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