Okay I know this is going to be long but I’d appreciate if anyone can read it . Since I’m having these self blame-thoughts that won’t really stop.
So my(21) long distance ex girlfriend(19) that I’ve been with since 2016 drunk cheated on me at an afterparty in a stranger’s house with a guy she knew from her old school . She came and confessed even though I wouldn’t have known if she chose to hide it. She was really hurt from the guilt of what she did. according to her no intercourse happened , only because he was drunk and “ kept missing” . However . Other things went down such as kissing . Fingering . Oral .. I didn’t break up with her and chose to stay . But I had a hard time accepting it . Mainly because her story went from saying “ I had too much to drink and that messed with my judgment and I made a bad decision “ to saying she felt “ pressured” to do so and had no idea what she was doing because she drank too much . While the actions she performed show that she just jumped into it impulsively and didn’t really do anything to stop it.
So I did have frequent questions about it trying to understand the full truth and know more details which she couldn’t handle after a while despite her telling I don’t have to deal with it alone and she’ll be there for me until the end of time . and would often ask me to try and stop talking about it and “ quit picking on the wound” . It was a rough patch in our relationship . Me being completely hurt and having a hard time moving past it and her wanting me to just get over it and go back to how the relationship was .
The main issue that ended us was that she promised me . First thing , to quit drinking and going to parties , she admitted that she doesn’t control her drinking at all and it always ends badly . So that’s why she’ll stop it to prevent herself from putting herself in a situation like that again .
However . She didn’t keep up with those promises . She broke them again at a party with her friends right after telling me that she will go there and not have any drinks . As soon as she got there she gave in . “ I’m sorry I disappointed you “ was what she said. And she claimed she’ll drink to “ prove to me that she will be in control” Yet . She lost control again . Only stopped when she threw up on herself and almost ruined her phone by spilling water on it . As she got drunk she bursted out on me . Saying I’m manipulative for giving her the ultimatum to pick between me and drinking ( her own promise) . For not quitting asking her about the incident. For so many things that I haven’t really done . She even said that if it was up to her she would just “ brush it off” but I wouldn’t let her forget about it .
Despite tolerating her drinking again wasn’t another chance we agreed on to be given again . I didn’t leave her . I talked to her as calmly as possible . I wanted to work things out with her . As I sensed that she got a problem with alcohol . As soon as she stopped drinking that night she said she does have a problem . And she feels disgusting and that she’s an awful girlfriend and didn’t know why I put up with her . I told her that I won’t give up on her if it’s a problem . And she said that we should work on it . Only to tell me a few minutes after that she doesn’t have a problem and she just likes it and wants to do it . Still . I remained calm . Talked to her about it in the nicest way possible . We talked about how it always ends . I asked her if she thinks it’s fair or we should really put an end to it . She promised it was the last time and it was a promise that she wholeheartedly made and she isn’t forced to do . We agreed on working to make things better . By putting it all behind us and also putting old habits behind us .
I apologized for everything I’ve said or done while I was hurt . She said she understood and it was pretty fair and I shouldn’t beat myself up for it . And it was clear that she didn’t want the occurence to ever be brought up again. Things were getting better for a month after. No more tears . No more pain . Just us being normal again . As normal as I possibly could .
Until we had a small argument again that ended with her saying she wants to go to a party again . I asked her why she’s breaking her promises to me again and she didn’t have any response besides “ I’m not” . “ i just want to do it” . That triggered a reaction from me and I mentioned what happened last time she got drunk around random guys . Then she ended the relationship because “ we haven’t recovered and it will only get worse” . Then proceeded to block me everywhere in the middle of me begging for her to listen to me . And just ghosted me after 5 years and a half .
Now after a long time post break up . I keep putting the blame on myself and say maybe I shouldn’t have dwelled for too long in the occurence and just forced myself to get over it like she wanted me to do? Would there be a different outcome if my reaction to that hurt didn’t last for so long and I just accepted it and moved forward ? I can’t help but think of the times she was crying so hard because of it. While i was perhaps harsh . I know it’s not worth it thinking about this now but at this point I’m starting to feel like I was toxic or something like this for not simply taking it and moving on .
Tl;dr : ex gf of 5 years drunk cheated on me . Now that the relationship ended I’m blaming myself for not easily getting over her cheating as she wished me to do.
Submitted April 27, 2022 at 06:50PM by Thatoneperson174 https://ift.tt/CpPvHU9
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