I (f/26) have been supporting myself since I was 19, and had a privilege upbringing until my family started having financial problems when I was in high school. I grew up with rich kids, I understand the mindset. I don’t resent rich people, I too enjoy going to nice places and nice things but I’ve definitely felt (numerous times) that there is a loss sense of responsibility and reality with certain friends who are still relying on their parents and have never had real money problems.
My boyfriend (m/28) comes from a rich family and is unemployed. He is far from snobby and you will never think he is spoiled meeting him in a group environment. He knows I am financially independent and I have mentioned to him a few times of my financial issues but never in detail, he probably doesn’t know just how much my family is struggling. I thought about telling him but to be honest money problems is not something that can really be understood if you have never been through it and I figured I’d rather not talk about it in too much detail bc his reaction will probably in some way, disappoint me.
Even though I am the one who’s working and he’s unemployed (for a long time), he pays probably 70% of our dates and me 30%. He’s never said anything about paying more and has always been a generous person but I can’t help but feel guilty at times that he pays significantly more than me.
He likes to go to relatively nice places and honestly sometimes I feel like I don’t even want to go out to eat because I want to save money. At times when he suggests if we should go somewhere, its hard for me to respond. Of course I have told him before that I want to save money, in those cases he would always offer to pay and have no problem with it, but I also feel guilty to say no so many times bc of wanting to save when technically he paid for so much before and therefore I should be able to go.
Him paying for me on dates, I’ve learned to feel less uncomfortable about it. And of course, there are times I pick up the check too. But this is beyond that, money is such a huge source of stress and issue in our family, I do my best not to stress about it and manage my finances but when the person you’re closest to has no grasp of something that is very real, i can’t help but feel a sense of distance.
I feel like he has done nothing wrong. I too would take the advantage of financial help from my family if I could, anyone would. But there is definitely some sort of a bitterness at times because I feel that he doesn’t understand certain real responsibilities.
I’ve tried to self reflect on the negative feelings and thoughts that arise because at first I thought it could be jealousy but I really don’t think it is. Would I like to have no financial issues? Absolutely, but that doesn’t make me jealous. I think it’s the frustration on thinking my partner wouldn’t understand something that is very real to me.. thoughts?
TL;DR My boyfriend comes from a rich family, I don’t. Can’t help but feel some sort of a distance.
Submitted December 21, 2021 at 08:32AM by Early-Street7574 https://ift.tt/3ss5WGQ
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