I want to put some space between me and my boyfriend and I'm looking for advice on how to do this.
We have been together for 6 years. We previously lived together. It was not great. He was constantly frustrated with me and how I lived, my cleaning schedule, social life etc. Very overbearing and critical. I could not work on my hobbies because it bothered him or irritated him ex: Upset having my messy painting supplies out or having to hear me practice bass. I was so stressed out from this that when I came home I would just sit in my room and doomscroll on my phone all day so I wouldn't have to interact with him.
When the lease ended last year, I moved out and got my own apartment. I'm so much happier now. My life has really improved since then.
His - not so much. Recently he got a DUI and totaled his truck, he lost his job because he was injured in the accident and needed time to recover. He broke his phone and pretty much has $0 at the moment. I assisted him financially for a bit but after two months he still has not tried to find a job or take care of the numerous issues in his life. He's been staying at my place a lot, eating my food, "partying" (doing drugs with friends) etc. I have been financially strapped during this time trying to take care of him so he can get back on track, which never happened.
He's now concerned that he will be evicted from the house he is renting because he hasn't paid rent for this month (I paid his last months rent). He is pressuring me to move into my apartment because I have the space for it and can cover the rent by myself. I can NOT do this. I can't put myself in that situation again. There were times at the old apartment when I would have to lock myself in the bathroom and sleep in the tub because he wouldn't leave me alone with nonstop badgering, criticizing, yelling at me. I promised myself I would never live with him again.
I would honestly really like to break up with him and just go no contact but every time I have done that he has a major manic episode and ruins his life - the DUI happened literally the day after I tried to break up with him last time and I've felt so guilty from "causing" this that I've been helping him with everything (I realize this is faulty thinking which is why I'm making this post trying to break out of this mindset).
Do I break up clean with him and risk him hurting himself? Are there steps I can take to distance him and his problems away from me? What do I do when he shows up at my doorstep begging me for help? How do I not feel like an asshole for wanting to move on?
TLDR: codependent boyfriend won't take care of himself, I'm resisting his plan to move in with me and need advice on how to communicate my boundaries
Submitted December 20, 2021 at 06:34PM by Sensitive-Setting732 https://ift.tt/32lCt6w
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