We have been together for almost a year and a half and we clicked right away and had great chemistry. We are each other’s best friends. We can carry real conversation endlessly and just be comfortable in silence together. He’s sweet and thoughtful and so caring and appreciative of me. Our personalities are very similar and we find ourselves thinking or saying the same things, have similar interests and all that.
However, I am beyond burnt out emotionally, mentally, and physically. We used to be intimate multiple times a week, now I have no desire ever it seems. I still love him, but when he tells me he’s in love with me and I say it back, lately it’s felt not so truthful on my end. I love him immensely but I don’t feel in love anymore. He hasn’t specifically done anything wrong. We both fell hard and fast for each other but he’s always wanted to move faster than I’m ready for.
He wanted me to move in with him in a month or two. When I said that’s too fast, he said he could give me an extra 6 months or so but any longer would just be wasting his time. He wants marriage and kids ASAP. I always thought I wanted those things but idk if I want them with him and I don’t want to waste his time. I’d be content waiting indefinitely to move in, I really don’t feel an urgency for this.
His paralysis is so severe, he has caregivers and can’t even roll over in bed on his own. Sometimes I have to help him eat, use the bathroom, brush his teeth, get dressed, etc. Hes had accidents and I have had to clean him up. He has caregivers that work as often as possible but still Sometimes I feel more like a caregiver than his girlfriend. I worry if we had kids I’d feel like a single parent bc physically he can’t change diapers, pick up a baby, or feed one, and much more.
All of this has taken a toll. Idk if this is the future I want. He really does go out of his way to make me feel special and loved, and I already stay overnight 3 or 4 nights with him a week, but I don’t miss him when he’s gone. I feel relieved to have me time and to not worry about accessibility issues. Additionally, He’s very emotionally needy and is constantly wanting my reassurance about something. I’m less vocal and go out of my way to try and make him feel loved through actions, but It’s not enough.
He loves me unconditionally and I don’t want to lose that, but idk if I’m cut out for this life. He already knows all this, we’ve already talked about it. I think we both feel stuck and don’t want to lose each other but we don’t know how to fix things either. I feel stuck between fighting to make this work and giving up. Idk how much more fight I have in me. I find myself envious of able bodied couples.
TLDR: interabled relationships are hard plus commitment issues from me and insecurities from him. Fight or flight?
Submitted December 25, 2021 at 11:14PM by cutewitoutthee https://ift.tt/3HdXgYK
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