How do I [26 F] gently enforce boundaries regarding triggering content with bf [32 M] of 6 months without annoying him? We've had conversations get rough.

First, some relevant background information:

I know it's strange, but due to some childhood trauma, I have strong aversion to consuming media that falls into the category of "romance".

Watching or reading about people kissing, professing their love to each other, or having sex makes me really uncomfortable, and it's especially bad if it feels like I myself am being forced into the situation (such as with video game romance options), or with media involving certain tropes (like child/adult relationships, huge age gaps, extreme dominance or non-consent).

It's not so bad that I have panic attacks when these things come up in media, and I can still enjoy said media, as long as I simply don't engage with that content. I'll skim over it while reading, or zone out and check my phone/play with my pets while it's on TV. I just can't actively watch it without looking grossed out, and when people talk about their favorite romance scenes, I unfortunately do seem unengaged/panicky.

I am working on this with a therapist, and he says that for now,avoiding romance in media is a perfectly healthy and valid solution for me.

The issue:

Until I started dating my bf, nobody I knew really had an issue with this. People would either not care at all, or would curiously ask why I seemed averse and act totally understanding when I told them it was due to trauma.

However, this trigger has been really upsetting to my bf. Romance is his favorite genre, and he loves discussing his favorite tropes, scenes, etc. Furthermore, he develops video games/visual novels as a hobby, and has a game he's been working on for a long time that he's super proud of. While it has a plot outside of romance, the video game is very romance-heavy.

When we watch his favorite movies that have romance scenes and I look away/disengage during said scenes, he gets sad and touchy. Several times, we have had ruined evenings because he got upset and turned the film off saying it seems like I hate it.

Another time, he was describing a video game romance scene (not his game) where a character does something somewhat non consensual to the player character, and I looked visibly uncomfortable and almost started crying. This also made him upset,because he loves the scene and thinks it's artistic.

I've also started playing his game, and he's asked me for feedback. I happily gave feedback on the setting, characters, and story, and have been enthusiastic about playing and reviewing it. However, he pressed and asked if I'd ever be comfortable actually playing through the romance scenes and giving feedback on those. I was honest and said that while I loved him and his work, I would probably not be able to engage with the romance. Honestly there's a lot of dynamics like teens/adults, etc. That I just couldn't handle, so I've been skipping those parts.

Honestly, every time we have these conversations he seems to take my aversion personally and things go off the rails. I usually end up crying, and the night ends up ruined.

How do I fix this? How do I make it totally clear that this is just trauma based, and not personal?

Tl;dr: I can't handle romance in video game, movies, and books, but my bf loves it. He gets upset when I have to look away/disengage with the media and it often leads to fights. How do I make it clear that my triggers aren't personal?

Submitted December 27, 2021 at 01:41AM by iluvgayfrogs https://ift.tt/3z46AvJ