I feel so much resentment and I don't know how to move past this.. How to deal?

We (32M and 30F) have been together for 4 years now.

During these 4 years, I've given everything I possibly can.

He came from an abusive household with no direction in his life or career - I helped him set healthier boundaries with his family, completely helped him revamp his career, helped him with his resume and interviews, helped him negotiate his salary which tripled his income on top of me working on my own career. I'm now getting my graduate degree while working, and he's working at a cushy new job.

During these 4 years, I've asked for one thing for him to fix - to focus on making us a priority. I had needs that were not being met, I've expressed it to him that I need him to show me that I matter. In the beginning, I was patient. I spoke calmly, using "I feel" statements and giving examples of my hurt feelings. I explained that I really need him to show some effort and show me that he values my feelings enough to make changes. He said he'll do better.

He'll act differently for a week, maybe two.

He'll then revert back to his old ways. Which will cause a repeat of the same argument every few months or so. It's a horrible, toxic pattern. Nothing ever really changes and it's been going on for four years. I kept telling myself to give him space, give him time, let the change happen naturally - No. It's the same pattern over and over again.

Now, I'm not calm. Now, I have a sharpness to my tone, and years of resentment under my breath. I kept holding on and clinging onto hope that he'll see how much he's hurting me, but nothing ever changes consistently. When I ask him why no effort is being made, I'm just thrown excuses left and right.

I'm tired. I have other things to do. I'm tired. Some other time. I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm tired.

I'm f*cking tired too. I just spent the whole day working, studying, cleaning, cooking dinner and walking our dog. I'm tired but I still want to make this a priority so that our relationship doesn't go in the trash. Everything he says now just sounds like an excuse.

He's tired to make an effort with me. But he's not too tired to visit his family "because he has to" or go hang out with his buddies at a bar on a Saturday night or play his video games at night. I feel so much resentment towards him sometimes, it disgusts me that I have this toxic feeling in my body. I just want to be happy.

As much as I want to say the obligatory, "But he's such an amazing guy otherwise.." and he IS, none of his redeeming qualities will overshadow and band-aid what's been happening for 4 years. I just can't rationalize it anymore.

I'm debating whether I should start making an exit plan and break things off. As much as I hate this, I also feel sad, heartbroken, overwhelmed and terrified of giving up on our relationship.

TLDR: my needs aren't being met in a relationship, I feel resentful yet unsure whether throwing it all away is what's best for me.

EDIT: Please do not DM me whether I want to talk about sex - you're either a creep or a 15 year old immature kid who needs to leave the adults alone to vent about adult problems. Sod off and don't be an idiot.

To everyone else, thanks for any response or advice.

Submitted December 28, 2021 at 01:46AM by RealisticLie6748 https://ift.tt/3Jntkvj