tl;dr I visited my bf in Philly and found screenshots of Instagram girls on his phone from our school, ranging from bikini pics to formal dress pics to selfies + a lot of porn and I cannot decide whether to forgive him
I have been trying to search reddit for someone in a similar situation for the past couple weeks with no luck. My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for almost 1.5 years now, and I love him very deeply. We met while our school was online during orientation, and I decided to continue dating when he transferred schools to graduate early.
In the very beginning of our relationship, he set a boundary of no porn. I was initially confused because I was completely okay with porn since we were long distance, and even watched it myself while single. However, I agreed and stopped watching porn completely. And as time went on, I was relieved we made this boundary as I fell more and more in love and could not imagine him watching other girls.
Flash forward to this month. I decided to visit him at his college town for a couple days because my school ended a month early. It was all going well.. We went on a date, which was very cute and chill. During the date, I wanted to post a photo of us on Instagram and asked for his Ipad since my phone had died. He refused and said, "We're on a date. No technology," which I found odd since he was on his ipad earlier that evening. But I am not one to snoop, and did not ask again.
Later that night, he was deciding a song to pick for his instagram story. I grabbed his ipad to show a song, and he turned his Ipad off immediately. I was extremely suspicious at this point as he refused to even let me hold the Ipad. While I was trying to send our photos to myself on his camera roll even later that night, he was extremely hesitant. I saw one photo of a really pretty girl screenshotted amidst our selfies (meaning he screenshotted while I was with him, probably napping from the plane ride over), and I joked around and said if he screenshotted it because she was pretty. He came up with some excuse that "He took a class with her, and wanted to remember her bye."
Realizing how suspicious it was, I went through his ipad. At this point, he was doing everything he could to turn the Ipad off. When I did manage to search his photos, I found a huge amount of porn saved from the last two months, ranging from reddit girls to screenshots of porn videos to nude girls on random websites. Although hurtful, I could completely ignore this part as we are in a long distance relationship and he was stressed from a test he has to take next month.
What was extremely difficult to process was the hundreds, upwards of a thousand, screenshots of girls he followed on Instagram. Or rather, both of us followed. Many of them were even friends of mine, all who went to the same college. The screenshots were mainly bikini pics, but many were just girls in crop tops, in a formal dress, halloween costumes, or just cute selfies. In addition to this, they were over 30 photos of this one specific girl who went to my school. These were photos of her just in a car, in a crop top, etc. There was also another girl I saw a lot of posts of, who I did not recognize from my school.
This is extremely creepy and disheartening to me, especially since he told me I was insane when I pointed out how many pretty girls he kept following back in January that he refused to unfollow (think 80% to 20% highly ambitious, pretty girls to boys he knew from high school). He said that he screenshotted them just because they "were hot" and it was "all sex appeal" and never went back to them, but a lot of these were just Instagram stories of selfies of girls that were not meant to be hot. On top of all this, he also requested to follow hot girls that were tagged in stories (I checked using a recent photo). Meaning, his excuse that "these girls just showed up on his page," did not make any sense because he went out of his way to follow these girls.
I also checked all of his social media DMs and saw no messages with any of these girls. I think it might have been just fantasies. I just found the whole thing creepy and disrespectful, especially since it had been going on for 6 months of our 1.5 year relationship that he intended to hide. And these were girls he could easily access if he wanted to. I also noticed some bot accounts he made too that were suspicious, but as far as I know he only used them to send Instagram reels to his other account.
When this all blew up, I broke up with him. Later, I found out he deleted all the photos on his phone out of his own decision, and deleted all his Instagram accounts. He really wants to get back together, but I do not know if I should trust him again. His argument was that he never looked through his all photos, and had specific folders he made just for my photos. I am having a difficult time believing this because the photos of these girls were mixed in with his porn collection. For context though, the screenshots of Instagram girls started 6 months ago and the porn (or at least him screenshotting it) only started 2 months ago. Overall, he says he will change and be a better man, and is extremely remorseful that he hurt me.
I spent weeks trying to process why in the world he did it in the first place, and I am too embarrassed to keep asking my friends for their opinion. Is this something teenage boys do? Should I give him another chance? Or will this just be the start?
Submitted December 22, 2021 at 08:02PM by pandr3a https://ift.tt/3ekFXJo
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