My boyfriend (30M) and I (28F) have been together for almost two years. We also live together. I’m mixed (half-white and half-black) while my partner is white. This is relevant in the context of the post.
An incident happened today where I stumbled upon the recent brutal homicide of a man I knew in high school. This touched me deeply for a number of reasons I won’t get completely into, but my grief drew a degree of introspection related to my race, the state of affairs of the black community in my city at large and what it means to be a black woman.
While I was experiencing this, I was reluctant to tell my boyfriend about my thoughts initially. I have a hard time being emotionally vulnerable, but I just had a feeling that he wouldn’t respond in a supportive manner to my feelings.
When I mentioned my reluctance, he thought that I wouldn’t speak to him about it because he’s white. This is not true as I have a reached out to a few of my close friends (also white) to bend their ear a little and have received support or at least condolences.
When I opened up to him later today, I put into words how this was touching me (the feelings of ostracization I sometimes feel, my perception of my lack of duty to the community and the tragedy his loss represented). Other than to counter me on an opinion I had (the media doesn’t give a shit about POC going missing) and can you talk a little louder, it sounds like your whispering, I got no feedback whatsoever. No questions, no statements, just silence. At the end, I awkwardly told him I was going to lie down and shuffled away.
Reddit, I feel like I’m overreacting. He asks me to open up, but I always feel lonelier after the fact, particularly now. I’m lying awake feeling worse for having shared these types of feelings with him.
TL:DR: I shared some race related feelings about a homicide incident where I knew the deceased and my boyfriend barely reacted.
Submitted September 24, 2021 at 01:13AM by DarthInvadeHim https://ift.tt/3zE0IYC
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