Tl;dr: In-laws have been living with us for 3+ months with no end in sight. Help!
My wife and I have been married for about 1.5 years now. She comes from a culture where the family always comes first and as she puts it: "parents are treated like gods."
About three months ago her parents (my in-laws) came to stay with us. Ostensibly it is a "temporary" visit but they've been here for 3 months with no return date in sight and no return plane tickets booked.
This alone is causing friction. I am an introvert by nature and thus, having anyone around for 3+ months (regardless if they're my in-laws or my own parents) drains me quite a bit. Especially since there's no defined end date in sight. We don't speak the same language so I can't communicate with my in-laws and anytime my wife is out of the house and it's just me + the in-laws, the situation feels extremely awkward. My wife is also a student currently and so we are a one-income household dependent on my job - except now the mouths to feed have doubled.
Furthermore - I don't have issues with my MIL so much, but my FIL is a completely different story.
- First of all, my FIL has cheated on my MIL numerous times. I understand this has no impact/affect on me and should really be none of my concern, but regardless, I have a low opinion of people who cheat on their spouses.
- My FIL does NOTHING to help around the house. He never washes the dishes (in fact, he just leaves his dirty plates at the table after we eat until my wife, my MIL, or myself pick up after him), he sits around the couch all day watching youtube videos on his phone, he never cooks, he never cleans, he doesn't help out with the yard work even though he said he would when they first came here, he doesn't pay for any of the grocery bills. I wouldn't mind nor expect a guest to help with household chores if they were staying for a week or two, but at 3+ months they are no longer guests in my opinion - they are members of the household and expected to chip in.
- My FIL is Muslim and doesn't tolerate pork. (but he cheats and drinks... I won't bother going into the hypocrisy there of selectively choosing which rules from your religion you like to follow). To the point where he won't even let US eat pork or have pork products in the house, otherwise he'll get upset and angry. Now, I don't give a shit about pork. Do I like eating bacon for Sunday breakfast every now and then? Yeah, but it's not a deal breaker. It's more about the principle of the matter - it grates on me that this man, who is our GUEST and whom we are LITERALLY PROVIDING EVERYTHING FOR, has the gall to tell ME how to live in MY house.
- I have asked my wife numerous times (because of the language barrier I can't communicate with FIL) to ask her father to help around the house or change his attitude. Her response is that in her culture, the father is treated like a king and she cannot ask him to change any of this. He would get too "angry" and she doesn't want to cause any trouble. I've also asked her if she can ask when they are flying home, and if they're going to be here longer than 3 months, if they can help pay for some of the household expenses. Again, her explanations were "I can't ask them when they're leaving because that would be me chasing them away. And I can't ask them to pay for house expenses, because they raised me and provided everything, it's not fair to ask them to pay for anything."
Last night my wife and I got into an argument/crying session and to be honest, neither of us know how to fix this. She feels stuck in the middle due to her loyalty and obligations to her parents, while trying to support me. On my side, I have issues due to all of the reasons mentioned above. This is destroying our relationship and I don't know how we could make it work for another 3 months or heaven forbid, if some day they decide to move in with us permanently (my wife has already said if they want to move-in with us, she would have to accommodate them).
Any advice or personal experiences would be appreciated... this is killing me and it kills me to see how much stress my wife is going through also.
Submitted September 26, 2021 at 03:39AM by techy_sloth https://ift.tt/3kOWw4h
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