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Me [34F] living in fiancé’s [39M] house. Not allowed family to stay overnight. Should I move out?

Sorry for the long rambling post for what is a simple problem!

I [34F] have lived with my fiancé [39M] for almost five years. It’s a two bed mews house but no bed in the spare bedroom (needed as office space and storage for our stuff). The house is his, he bought it before we got together. The mortgage is in his name. We hope to sell up and move somewhere bigger once my credit score is better but that’s a few years away. I pay him £1k a month to help cover the mortgage, service charge and bills. I’ve also helped pay a few thousand towards refurbishing the place as it really needed it, plus new washer/dryer, fridge freezer.

Anyway, my sister lives abroad and is back in the UK for the first time since Covid and has asked if she can stay with us for a few days. There’s space for a camp bed or single blow up mattress in the spare room and she can always get up before my partner starts work. However I am pretty certain he will say no and my sister will need to fork out hundreds of pounds for a hotel (it isn’t cheap where we live in the South East). His reasoning in the past has been the house isn’t big enough but I know it’s also because he also hates sharing a bathroom with anyone except me (relates to a horrendous experience he had while working in a war zone where he got really sick and developed OCD/phobia of germs. He’s gotten better but I think he needs more therapy). He also frequently complains about how there’s no room in the house whenever he loses stuff (which he does often because he doesn’t keep things in the same place consistently 🤷‍♀️) and a few times when we’ve been arguing he’ll say he hates it and bring up that the place was never this cluttered before I moved in, which makes me feel uncomfortable in the house. He apologises afterwards but it still gets to me. I also do try and keep things tidy and clean (yet he leaves stuff lying around then blames it on lack of space which it isn’t) and he likes minimalism, his definition of clutter is when there’s stuff on top of the sideboard or a few things out on the kitchen counter or something stored down the side of the sofa.

We’ve never had anyone stay with us in the past five years and I don’t feel it’s asking for a lot. He won’t negotiate or compromise so if it’s a no then it’s a no. But it’s making me wonder if I really want to live in a house where I’m helping pay the mortgage, have helped increase its value but don’t feel on an equal footing at times, even just having family stay for a few days when I hardly ever see them (his family only live a 10 min drive away).

I will update this post once I’ve asked him today but I wondered what the internet thought about this situation and has anyone else lived with a partner in their house and often felt like they need to ask permission for stuff? Should I start thinking about stopping paying him some of the mortgage and renting my own place where I can at least relax and move most of my stuff out until we can get a joint mortgage and move? I’m getting so uncomfortable in the house and have felt this way on and off for a while now. I don’t want to do anything drastic but I’m tired of feeling so stressed and anxious about living in his house.

TL;DR living in my partners house but paying him mortgage money, he probably won’t let my sister stay a few days which I don’t think is fair, plus I feel like a burden in his house, should I consider moving out.



Submitted September 26, 2021 at 02:59AM by Complex_Fold7102 https://ift.tt/3udT7yH
Me [34F] living in fiancé’s [39M] house. Not allowed family to stay overnight. Should I move out? Me [34F] living in fiancé’s [39M] house. Not allowed family to stay overnight. Should I move out? Reviewed by KING SAMUEL on September 26, 2021 Rating: 5

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