My(m27) wife(f26) lost her job after leaving early numerous times out of concern for her friend's(f26) mental health after her miscarriage, but when I tried to talk to her, she made me out to be the enemy

My wife and I have been married for three years, and we don't have any kids at the moment. We want to have kids in the near future, but as of right now, my wife is really struggling and I don't know what to do to help her. My wife (Liz) has a best friend (Lauren) who she's known since high school, but ever since two years ago, Lauren has been going through a lot. Lauren had a miscarriage a couple of years back, and Liz told me that it was one of the things that led to her eventual divorce with her husband. Lauren was depressed for some time, and Liz would come over after work to comfort her and get her out of the home, and she even said that Nick (Lauren's husband) had asked her to do so too, since Lauren wasn't being receptive to him

Nick would pay for activities for them to do such as movies or concerts, and I would pay for some as well. I didn't know Lauren especially well, but after inviting them over for dinner a few times, I felt like I began to know them more too. But when Lauren would tell my wife about how Nick would try to offer to do things with her too, Lauren would usually refuse them and his suggestions to splurge on herself to do her hair and make herself feel nice every once in a while. Liz tried to tell her that while she'll be there for her, that she should also confide in her husband and do things with him too, but she said that Lauren just felt guilty among other things, and there were a handful of fights that they had too -- fights where Lauren would tell Liz that she erupted at Nick for suggesting activities to her that she didn't want to do, fights that Liz honestly felt that Lauren was in the wrong about because she was constantly resenting him. One of the fights happened when Nick brought her flowers and offered to take her out to dinner for her birthday, only for Lauren to snap at him because she wasn't in the mood. When Liz asked if he had already purchased the reservation before asking her, she said that he didn't and that he "should've known" she wasn't in the mood, and she refused to take the flowers too

The other fight they had was about a vacation week that Nick was planning to use, but when he asked if she wanted to go, she gave him an attitude about not wanting to. So, when he said that he would use the PTO later in the year once she was feeling up to it, she got on him for not asking his friends instead, but when he said that he wanted to spend it with her, she just went off at him and told Liz about it too. Fast-forward some time, and Lauren and Nick are no longer together. Lauren's condition has worsened, and it's taken a toll on my wife who has continued to spend time with her after work, and I'm all for supporting her friend -- but I believe that there's a point when you must also prioritize yourself, and in the beginning, my wife would be tired after going straight from work to Lauren's to comfort her both during the miscarriage and after their divorce. But now, as Lauren has continued to struggle more than a year after the miscarriage and refuse Liz's suggestion to try therapy (once with her husband and even after the divorce), Lauren has begun to make concerning statements about feeling like she might "end it" and other stuff like that, and we were recently having lunch with another couple we know where Lauren texted her something similar, and Liz couldn't enjoy herself.

I totally understand that, and on that day, she expressed that she needed to leave to make sure that Lauren was alright, and this was towards the first few times that Lauren began saying that. However, while driving away, Liz called Lauren who then said she "didn't mean it", and Liz was somehow able to make her feel better on the phone to the point where it was unnecessary for her to come over anymore. So, while I was relieved (but not completely convinced that she was fine), I told Liz that maybe she should go over just to make sure, but Liz said it was fine, and I trusted her with that since she knows her better. However, I also told her that while Lauren is her friend, she can't let her weigh her down when she's enjoying herself (like at lunch or other times we had plans and sacrificed them to be there for Lauren) and that if Lauren refuses to get help time and time again, there's only so much you can do, and you still have to live your life. And while she said that she agreed in the moment, it's gotten a lot worse the past few weeks at work, to the point where she lost her job, and I'll try to explain why

Ever since the day where Lauren said she might "end it" at lunch, my wife has stopped telling me about the specifics like she used to, and while I understand that she never had to include me in the complicated details between her and her friend, it started to affect her at work consistently - to the point where she's left work early to check on her over concerning messages that she no longer wants to show me, and I only found out about it because she was fired. She had a full-time job, but after she was fired after several warnings and nights where she'd come home and be distressed while not telling me why when I asked, she finally told me that she's been leaving early to visit Lauren and finally showed me a bunch of similar messages to "end it" from the other day, and she's really been affected by Lauren's condition a lot. However, I told her that that's not an excuse for the lack of communication, and I told her that over the past few weeks too ever since she started to somewhat ghost me at home for apparently what I said after the lunch. She showed me messages that pretty much proved she was going over there, as well as many calls that happened in her car during work hours too. However, we have bills to pay, and while I figured that maybe she was just down and stressed from work when she went quiet, she's begun blaming me for Lauren's condition of late and saying that I "encouraged her to neglect her" when that's not the case. I told her I don't think Lauren is a healthy friend because she's always affecting her mood even when they're not together, not to mention how she refused to seek therapy or better herself over a year since the miscarriage. However, she now sees me as the enemy because of those comments, and I don't know how to make her stop ignoring me of late again

I felt scared to tell her not to see Lauren anymore after we left the luncheon because of the possibility of cutting off Lauren's only support and having her maybe do something like she said and having that on my conscious, but I'm starting to second guess myself after everything that's happened, and I just want to ask what I should do from here since she's not talking to me and thinks I'm not supportive of Lauren's condition, and I really feel like I'm losing her. From not eating dinner with me to not talking to me for long stretches, she sees me as the enemy, and I don't know what to do

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TL;DR: My wife's (Liz) friend (Lauren) had a miscarriage two years ago before a divorce with her husband, and they knew each other going back to high school. Lauren confided in her during the miscarriage but began to resent her husband in the aftermath when he suggested splurging to do her hair or trying to make her feel better, and it led to their eventual divorce. A year after the miscarriage, Lauren has refused suggestions to look into therapy and has begun to text my wife about potentially "ending it", but after doing that a few times, it began to take a toll on my wife at work, to the point where she lost her job due to leaving early to be with her and not telling me until after she was fired, and she's now resenting me for telling her that Lauren has become an unhealthy relationship in my opinion

Submitted September 28, 2021 at 07:22PM by throwrapudleoe https://ift.tt/3CULZud