I feel really depressed about it and at this point, I can't think of a logical reason to calm myself.
My sister and I been through a lot. But we both agree we went through different childhoods. First of all, we're five years apart. My mom always tell me how I'm basically the reason she is alive (they wanted me to be an only child but I disagreed).
Once she was born we moved out of the home we built and to another state. Next, she probably was too young to know what was going on but my parents divorced a few years later. Everything went downhill from there: my mom had to leave states away for 9 months to get back on her feet and my grandma had to help my dad. A lot of rules changed (like computer and cartoon privileges became tight).
I really do think the trauma affected me. Of course, a divorce is a big change for a 9 year old. I ended up getting so upset that I refused to play with my sister. Whenever I tried- I just felt empty and we would end up fighting about it. Sometimes our dad would force me to play so I would fake it.
Things did get better for our environment but changes were made. By the time I was ten, I was responsible of taking both of us to the school bus every morning and back. It sucked when it was cold- but my parents couldn't afford a sitter and we had no other options.
I was hard on her about things like not brushing her teeth right, still sucking her thumb, and even didn't get into the things she wanted me into. We also grew up in the same 2 bedroom apartment so we were never able to get out of each other's way. My sister didn't have her own room until I moved out. I thought it was normal for siblings- especially those that share a room and been through trauma- to fight.
As an attempt to have some space, one of us would take the living room and the other would take the bedroom during the day. Each of us would be doing our own thing- whether it's watching TV or reading. However, the bathroom was in the bedroom so if one of us walked in the other would get defensive and wait till they left.
I also want to add that I had a lot of medical problems so at one point at lot of attention was on me. She was basically just watching me go to appt and even surgery after another. Although, I feel like maybe she found her way to get attention by being into choir/theater. But still, she didn't have the same needs as me.
Now we're older and I just found out she hasn't been telling me anything. I didn't know she was going to homecoming until she posted about it. Heck, I wasn't aware my dad bought her a dress until my mom showed me. She never tells me anything about her social life- whether it's getting a new boyfriend or having a fight with a friend. I send her texts/memes but she rarely responds. She hung out with my best friend without me knowing and tells her everything. We all share a group chat but she's barely around on there.
Maybe she's just being a teenager? I just feel like I'm intentionally being left out. Was I too toxic so now she's just avoiding me? I just feel like there's no way I can make things better with her.
TL;DR: My sister is leaving me out and I feel like it's my fault
Submitted September 26, 2021 at 08:22PM by fun7run https://ift.tt/3APvSh2
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