Hi all,
I have realized that I care so much about his opinion of me that I simply can't let myself do the "weird" sexual things that I want to do (checked with him - he's totally fine with weird things and is completely non-judgmental or shaming, this is 100% INTERNAL).
I'm way too ashamed and embarrassed to even ask for specific things. I was raised in a toxic shameful Christian household and I know that, I've been slowly undoing other shame-related issues with therapy and journaling, and my self-esteem has been growing, but nothing seems to touch the deep-seatedness of these sexual hangups.
I'm not a prude -- I have crazy fantasies and watch porn and read erotica and masturbate a lot. Except I'm way too ashamed to ask for the things that I want. And they're not even that weird - just things other than missionary. Additionally - I could completely see myself doing these things with strangers.
We have talked about it a lot, and even though I MENTALLY KNOW that he's totally ok and willing and wants to do other things, and that he doesn't think less of me or judge me, I yet I absolutely can't bring myself to do or allow these things to be done to me. We've tried a few things, starting out slowly, but I still just completely lock up and sometimes even start crying. What is going on with me and how do I fix this? (And after this long convo that I just had with him, I realized this has been the case for almost 8 years now).
tldr: how do I stop feeling so ashamed about doing non-missionary sex acts with my (totally consenting and non-shaming) husband?
Submitted September 01, 2021 at 06:06PM by poodlebutt76 https://ift.tt/38z2dMM
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