I (23m) told my parents (50s m,f) I was planning to go to LA to visit friends. My parents told me no. We had an argument over me saying it wasn’t right for them to do that.

I just came out a long heated argument with my parents and I’m a little emotional and I need some outside perspective to see if I overstepped my bounds or if I was unreasonable.

I’m 23, living with my parents with a minimum wage job. I’m pretty much financially dependent on them. I don’t pay rent but I do help out with bills and try to maintain the house as reasonably as possible. My parents have expressed that they happily let me stay for free, essentially. But with these privileges come with me abiding to their rules, which I try to do.

I don’t really go out (which is fine, I’m more of a homebody anyway). I inform them when I do leave to run errands or whatever. Straight laced, no drinking, no drugs (not really my scene anyway). And a big one: I attend their religious meetings even if I don’t believe in their religion.

They were much more controlling when I was younger. My father has even expressed to me that he does not think that minors have a right to autonomy or privacy, to give you an idea of his parenting style. But as an adult I felt, that even under their roof, I had a bit more freedom in what I choose to spend my free time on and who I hang out with.

Recently, one of my best friends (I’ll call her R) has moved to LA (which is about 2 hours from where I live). And has invited me to come hang out in her new apartment as a sort of housewarming get together. I was super excited to come visit because she’s literally one of my best friends that I’ve known since high school. Since she also invited my other best friend (we’ll call him G) who lives nearby, G and i decided to carpool together to LA. The plan was to leave at 1 pm and come back before midnight.

Since it’s going to be a small group and we’re all vaccinated, and this was a rare time where we could all meet up, I agreed without consulting my parents.

After I agreed I went down to tell my mother my plans. I told her the address I was going to, I told her I was going to give her the contact numbers of the friends I was going with and promised to send her photos the entire time I was out.

To my surprise, she immediately reacted negatively and forbade me to go. She explained that since she didn’t know them and that they didn’t have the same morals that we had (remember they’re extremely religious) and that it was so far away I wasn’t allowed to go. I said (maybe too defensively in hindsight) that she didn’t have to right to choose who I hang out with and where I travel in my free time. I also defended my friends because she said some hurtful things about them that I thought was unfair since she herself said she didn’t know their character.

Eventually my father got involved. We had a long, emotional argument/discussion about what I am and am not allowed to do, about our relationship as parent and child, and sacrificing our wants for the sake of family unity.

The conclusion I got out of that was: Although I am an adult, I cannot have the full responsibilities of an adult because I have not demonstrated that I could handle the consequences if something goes wrong (ie being able to pay for hospital bills if we get into accident, or if we get drunk and something awful happens). That my choice of association demonstrated poor judgement (which I disagree with but I need an outside perspective because maybe I’m not seeing something).

We talked about other stuff too, but those were the big talking points.

I’m planning on canceling my trip to LA because I risk damaging my parent’s relationship. But I really feel like I didn’t do anything wrong. Was it wrong of me to tell my parents that it was okay for me to go on this trip? I don’t know.

TLDR: I wanted to see my friend in LA. Parents said no. And I disagreed and we fought. Was I in the wrong since I’m still dependent on them?

Submitted September 25, 2021 at 12:04AM by Naranja_Dude https://ift.tt/2ZvoJEW