My husband (29M) and I (30F) have hit a really bad rough spot in our marriage. At the beginning of the pandemic I felt uncomfortable in my skin and finally came out to my family as bisexual something I hid my whole life. My husband knew but he became upset I felt the need to come out. His reaction is why I haven’t said anything to anyone else. In his mind being bisexual was a betrayal to him. I tried explaining I just wanted to be honest with my family and myself, being bi didn’t mean I didn’t love him any less or that I would leave him but he didn’t understand. Which is normal. He said he felt betrayed and hurt. I suggested we go to marriage counseling or a therapist but he refused and said he just needed time. Well a little while after that we discovered I was pregnant and his mentality was we would wait till after baby to figure things out.
Unfortunately it just got worse. Husband quickly became depressed and started to drink more to deal with this. He started to streaming on the computer. On his streams he seemed fine and happy but off stream he was a mess. He blamed me for everything and admitted he couldn’t trust me or love me anymore. I was pregnant so of course I wanted to feel loved and secure but if I tried to say I loved him or tried to cuddle (I was touch starved as a child so I like to feel hugged when I’m emotional) he said I was pushing him too much and to stop. He stopped being there for our boys ( a six year old and a three year old), if he streamed he didn’t like them “bothering” him. Our youngest is especially close to Him so this neglect hurt him a lot. I begged Husband to at least call a therapist to help him but again he refused.
A couple months ago Husband would mention new coworkers. A group of three 23 year olds who he talked to and became friends with. A gay young man (who has a crush on him), and two females (one who has invited him to her house to drink). All of these coworkers are in their own relationships so my husband says I shouldn’t be insecure about how much he texts them.
The past three months husband has been going out eating and drinking more and more. Before it was just with his high school friends but when I started to “push” him into trying to make our marriage work so he has since started to go out with his 23 year old coworkers. At first he said it was only the gay friend and his boyfriend, although I was uncomfortable I allowed it. I found out a week letter that the two female coworkers went too, including the girl he was texting. I immediately started to cry and felt hurt. I asked him to stop going out, especially with me pregnant (38 weeks along) and needing him to help with boys. He said going out made him feel happy and when he was with me he didn’t feel anything. He said I ruined our marriage so I couldn’t complain. He has since increased the amount he goes out with them. If I ask who and where he is going when he tells me he’s going out he said I have lost the privilege to know. He will then leave and say he will be gone for two hours and not return home for 3-4 hours later. I am left alone to care for our boys and put them to bed while they ask where their dad is at.
This morning I couldn’t do it anymore. I feel like a doormat. He says he wants to divorce but still live together for boys sake but I know he only wants to live together so I can continue to take care of house and boys and he can Continue to stream and go out whenever he pleases. He already let his mom know we might divorce and he’d stay there. When he does come home he is very vocal about not loving me and only seeing us as roommates. Should I just leave before baby comes or try to wait it out and hope for best?
TL;DR: Husband wont stop drinking with coworker despite pregnant wife and kids at home needing him.
Submitted May 23, 2021 at 04:22PM by AquaMistIllusion https://ift.tt/3uk7IXU
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