I(36F) just discovered my fiance(36) either did or wanted to hook up with a bunch of his female friends that he's always denied history with. But I snooped to find out. Can I talk to him about it?

Been together 4 years, getting married next summer, and about to put a bunch of deposits down. I've always had a sense my fiance wasn't being honest about his history. We met in our 30s, and he has a large friend group from college. We're close friends with the married ones, but he still occasionally chats with the rest. Some have moved.

After we started dating, info started to trickle out through jokes or offhanded comments from friends that he'd hooked up with one girl. But there were comments that made me think there were others. And then the way some girls behaved. He did tell me about two, but denied anything ever happened with any of the others. I knew that he hooked up with a lot of what he said were 'randos', but that never sat right with me. It certainly seemed when others would make jokes, that they knew these 'randos'. I pressed him a few times but he never let up, and I wanted to believe him.

Fastfoward to this morning. I just got a contract for the venue, was reviewing it, and saw his phone. I snooped. No excuses, I wasn't looking for anything else, I just snooped. And I found old conversations about how badly he wanted to hook up with 3 of the people I'd asked him about. I was also grossed out by the way he was talking about them - saying they'd friend zoned him and it was bullshit and they'll fuck anybody else except him. He also talked with people about wanting rough sex, and 'clubbing girls and bringing them back to his place', and joking about chloroform. Now, I've absolutely no doubt these were jokes, due to the context and knowing him as a human being...but I'm still grossed out that he'd talk about his friends, and women, this way. And while it was awhile ago (2013/14), he was still an adult. It wasn't like he was 22 and saying these things. He was 30.

It just doesn't sit right with me. I'm freaking out a bit. And while his recent convos with these people mention absolutely nothing sexual wise, and I didn't find him talking about me in anything other than glowing and respectful terms...it's still making me not sign this document, not send the venue this money. Am I in the wrong here? Just leave his past alone? I know I'm a shit for snooping. And I know that since I did, and because my gut has always told me there's something about this dude I can't trust, that's probably my answer right there. But - who comes out any says "Before I met you I wanted to bang all my female friends"? Of course he wasn't going to say any of that. Maybe he's just grown up. But it wasn't that long ago. I dunno. I dunno what to do.

TLDR; Snooped and found my fiance talking grossly about his female friends, and women in general. Makes me not want to sign deposits for the wedding. Can this even be talked about though, because of how I discovered it?

Submitted May 30, 2021 at 04:15AM by Ok-Kaleidoscope-5363 https://ift.tt/3fSx0HC