Throwaway although she doesn’t reddit.
TLDR: Sister has had a hard life and went no contact with me a number of times, now wants contact, I don’t.
My older sister (40’s) and I have had a tumultuous relationship since I (30’s) was a kid. Our parents divorced when I was a baby and she was a teen, and our dad remarried almost immediately to a very religious woman (Christian) who our sister didn’t get along with. It got even worse after my sister was outed by one of our cousins when she was in her late teens - our dad cut her off completely and kicked her out. She was living with him as she doesn’t get along with our mom, and so she had to focus on work/survival instead of university.
I was a kid at this point and I am ashamed to say it but I avoided her. We lived in a conservative area and I got teased in school. When I was a teenager I realized it was wrong and we started talking again, but we frequently fell out as she was struggling with addiction and would steal, lash out, etc. She got clean in her 20’s, but then she trusted the wrong person and it ruined her financially for life.
This was a number of years ago and that situation, as well as being cut off from our family (some for being gay and some for addict stuff) has made her an extremely bitter person. She gets visibly upset when good things happen to people she doesn't feel "deserves it" (which is almost everyone) and will make snide comments, snark, and then sometimes escalate to confrontation.
I have apologized several times over the years for cutting her out as a kid, in person and once in a letter, but she still brings up how I was “just like everyone else” whenever she is angry. My life is very different from hers and I know it has been easier. I have tried to help her in various ways but it has not made a difference, and after her and my husband had a falling out, I am no longer able to do much.
For the past 10 years, we have been in a pattern: we get into an argument about something, she then starts bringing up everything in the past, how I don’t support her because I am still in contact with some of our family, etc. I will try to defend myself or apologize, she gets angrier, and tells me she is done with me and going no contact. I used to call and beg her, send letters, etc. Over time I stopped and now just wait for her to message me again. Sometimes she demands another apology, other times she acts like nothing happened.
She told me she was going no-contact last year after I wouldn’t let her stay in a home my husband’s family owned (she was kicked out by her partner), and I just kind of realized I was done. I was going through a lot and she wouldn't even hear it. My husband then pointed out that I am happier when we aren’t talking, and realized over the next months that he was right.
That brings us to today. She emailed recently wanting to meet up so we can talk and has made it clear she expects another apology. I want to send her a short email that we should maintain the no contact - I’m tired.
Submitted May 26, 2021 at 12:45PM by Silver-Ring444 https://ift.tt/3hXJgJd
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