My (33F) best friend (32F) told me that she and my husband (36M) had a semi-affair almost a year ago. She wants my forgiveness because she wants me back in her life.

We've been married 7 years now and it's was mostly ok. However, 5 to 6 years ago a huge part of me wanted a divorce. I wasn't happy with who he'd become, I felt lonely. He was too caught up in work and the marriage felt stale. We had sex, but it was only because we're both HL and it didn't bring us closer or fix anything.

I told my husband what was on my mind back then and it hurt him tremendously. He did start to make effort, but at that point, I mentally was checking out of the marriage. We would have separated if finances allowed it. So I told him give me time to think and we'll try to work on it.

During that time, I had a small falling out with my best friend as well and we weren't chatting much either. My husband and she were always pretty close as well.

He doesn't open up to his guy friends, but he said it's easier to do with women. He did ask me before if he could talk to my best friend about our issues and I told him I didn't care. Truthfully I did care, but I felt his needs outweighed mine.

This led to them becoming very very close. They would meet up to 'chat' at dinner, or at pubs at least once a week. I was never suspicious until one night.

He left home at 8 pm saying he was meeting Emily (my best friend) for dinner. He's normally back between 10 and 11pm, but this time he came home close to 2 am. I was livid.

He said after dinner they drove to the waterfront to 'talk'. The waterfront area is a well-known area in my city where couples park up and fool around. We did it a couple of times there as well.

He swore they just talked and nothing happened.

I stupidly trusted them. This happened 2 more times before I eventually told him he was getting too close to her! And that made me very uncomfortable.

Coincidently, she started dating another guy soon after, so they sort of stopped seeing each other.

Their 'dating' period was late summer last year (2020), almost a year ago.

However, last week she begged me to come over to talk. During this conversation, she told me how she and my husband admitted they had feelings for each other. They considered an affair or relationship but didn't want to disrespect me. She said they never kissed or had sex. But she did say they had phone sex once and exchanged nudes. She said she started dating a new guy right after this incident. She said I was right to suspect something back then.

She said they were both feeling vulnerable and had no intentions for anything romantic to happen. She said for the first few 'dates' she felt no attraction to him.

She said what changed was how gradually she saw how well he understood her and made her laugh and realized that no guy she dated was as emotionally deep as we my husband.

I get that, he is a very good conversationalist and he and her always had a good friendship since I introduced them.

While I was totally mad, I appreciated her frank honesty and understand that they were two people who I genuinely liked and part of me wouldn't even be too mad if they hooked up once they were happy.

Now I called it a semi-affair because it ended before it really started. She said she only told me now because she and my husband swore they'd keep it a secret. But she said she felt it was my right to know.

She begged me not to tell my husband that I knew, but I told her I could not promise her that.

She said, he also wanted to tell me as well, and they deliberated long and hard about it, but decided for everyone's best interest, I shouldn't know.

She said she missed my friendship so much and how I'm more important to her than any other person in her life.

So.....this was a week ago. I've been playing it cool with my husband since, but it's eating me up inside. I have forgiven her.

I just don't know what to do, tell him? Forgive him? Be understanding?

Reddit, I really need your help. What would you do in my position.

Also, please know the last 6 months have been the best in our marriage. He admitted that he was sort of having a midlife crisis and depression back then and zoned out from me. He's been a different person since, someone I truly love and can spend my life with.

tldr;

Discovered from my best friend that my husband and her had a semi-affair. I've forgiven her, but I haven't told him I know. I don't know if I should even tell him, or if I should forgive him.

Submitted May 29, 2021 at 04:03PM by Zestyclose-Bread-771 https://ift.tt/3fzGkkM