I've gotten a lot of advice from friends and family but I am still curious to know what advice the rest of the world can offer. This is a long story and I want to provide as much detail as possible to give a clear picture. Here we go.
So I met my fiancé when I was 19. He was everything I ever dreamed of in a future husband. He was kind, honest, intelligent, loving, successful, attractive, supporting and everything good. The best way to describe it is that I felt like I had met my soulmate. We literally couldn't have gotten along any better. Anyway, 6 months into our relationship, he explained that he had to tell me something about himself and, after telling me, he would completely understand if I wanted to end the relationship. He revealed to me that he was diagnosed with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder when he was 16. This was after he had a mental breakdown after smoking some weed. From there, he was hospitalized for a month or so and he was put on medication. Long story short, he had been in and out of the hospital multiple times from that point until he met me. Now, when he told me this, he had been off of his medications for about 6 months. He explained that he was either misdiagnosed or it was an occurrence simply brought on by smoking weed which he no longer does. This came as an absolute shock to me. I never suspected a thing. Honestly, it didn't diminish my love for him. I was nervous about how this would affect our relationship moving forward. I was also very nervous about the fact that he had stopped taking his medication for so long. Part of me was in denial -- he couldn't possibly be mentally ill if he's been off his meds for so long and is functioning perfectly fine, right? Another part of me, the logical part, was thinking about the irresponsibility of him stopping his medications for so long. Well, I explained to him that I still loved him but I want to know more. He agreed to have me meet his doctor and created an appointment for me to accompany him to.
Let's fast forward to about a week before his appointment. One night, we were driving back from roller skating when he puts on a religious book (the book of something I can't remember). This was a surprise because I had always known him to be an atheist. I questioned this and he explained that this is his religion. For the next few day, he plays religious music, spends the night awake praying, and is very restless. His actions become more drastic as he becomes more immersed in his religion. He throws away a black stuffed animal I had gotten him because it's "evil" and he doesn't want it in the house. He talks about the fact that god will guide him and he has no use for mortal possessions and stuff like that. Now, I have no idea how to handle the situation. I was clinging to the thought that he has an appointment with his doctor in a few days so he can do something then. It gets to a point where he tells me that he's thrown away his glasses and car keys because he doesn't need them anymore. He's going to follow god and live on the streets and let go of his worldly possessions. On the day of the appointment, I go to his house to check on him and he's gone, door wide open and car still in place. I later find out that he had also thrown away his phone. I call his sister and explain what's happened and that he hasn't been on medications in over 6 months. She immediately tells me that he needs to go to the hospital. She explains that he has a habit of stopping his medications and eventually having to go to the hospital for a while to get himself straightened out. The problem was that we had no idea where he was. I called his best friend and he eventually finds out that he was at his cousin's house which is over 30 miles from his house -- he had walked all night in the freezing cold. Long story short, after some wild occurrences, he goes to the hospital for about a month and comes out mostly back to normal. From there it was a process of replacing his thrown away items and restoring his job situation.
As you can imagine, this was extremely emotionally and mentally stressful for me. All sorts of thoughts were racing through my mind. I love this man so much. He is quite frankly one of the best people I know. Of course, his illness is not his fault at all. I can't fault him for that, right? But what if we have kids in the future and they inherit his illness? What if we have a family and he has a mental breakdown and our lives are turned upside down? What if I leave and I never come across this love and passion again in my life? What if he's alone forever because of this? I couldn't bear to think of a future where he is alone. All he ever wants in life is a family. I get different opinions from friends and family but the general consensus is that I should end the relationship because it's just not worth it. Anyways, I decided this could work if he stayed on his medications. And he promised he would because he realizes that he has to.
For the next 1.5 years, everything is perfect. He's taking his medicine, seeing his doctor regularly, we're happy, and life is good. We eventually become engaged and life seems perfect. Soon after, he starts talking about decreasing his medication dose because of the side effects. I put up a fight, but he's very persuasive. Eventually, he begins to decrease the dose until he stops it altogether. He promises that he'll start taking the meds if he feels off, that he'll take it as soon as I tell him he's acting weird. It's hard to explain the anxiety that comes with this. I was always hyperalert to his behavior and the things he said, being careful to note if anything was unusual. For the first 6 months, everything seemed fine. But, shortly after, the sudden personality change sets in. Suddenly he was religious and throwing away the dark plushies in the house. At this point, we were living together so I was able to get the full picture of what was going on. Of course he refused to take the medication when I told him he should. He became very delusional and erratic. When it gets really bad, he would experience visual hallucinations. He couldn't sleep through the night and was keeping me awake by praying and playing religious music. He disappeared to the family's house and was absent from work for a while. I had to call and arrange something so that he would not lose his job. Long story short, after 3 hospitalizations within about 3 months (3 days the 1st time, 4 weeks the 2nd time, and 2 weeks the 3rd time), he's now mostly back to normal.
My dilemma is: should I end the relationship or hang in there? He makes me so damn happy when he's stable. At this point, we're living apart and I've told him not to contact me because I need some time to think. I just miss him so much. When he's having his episodes, it's so stressful. I can't imagine putting a child through something like that. I know he'll be okay if he just takes his medicine, but I've seen firsthand that he will not stick to it. As selfish as it may sound, a part of me is angry at him for throwing it all away by stopping his medication. We had a great life together but he chose his own satisfaction. I know he wasn't in his right mind but it still hurts. I don't know if he just doesn't realize how much it affects the people around him when he's having an episode. Right now, he is swearing up and down that he'll never stop his medications because he doesn't want to lose me -- but he said this two years ago and here we are now.
Has anyone else been in this type of situation? If so, how did you handle it? Do you have any regrets? It's just so terrible because he is an amazing person and he doesn't deserve to go through any of this. I fear multiple things: 1. we get married, have a family and he's in and out of the hospital, 2. we don't get married but he goes on to have a successful and peaceful life with someone else, one in which he stays on his medications or 3. he lives his life forever alone. Please help.
tl;dr My fiancé who is the love of my life is schizophrenic and I don’t know if I should commit or move on with my life.
Submitted May 29, 2021 at 07:26PM by peakyblinder111 https://ift.tt/3fYumzQ
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