My (27f) boyfriend (29m) did something very weird and scary to me and now claims that he was only joking and didn't know I was actually panicking.

We've been dating for nearly 3 years.

This past year has been a mess. So much stress for a lot of reasons. Plus, he lost his job and has just been on edge. He's also been kind of taking his bad mood out on me at times, and there's been a lot of tension.

On the weekend, we were laying around on his bed talking. We were joking around and I forget the exact conversation but it was just joking. It basically was him joking that if he fell asleep I might murder him in his sleep (joking....because of the fact that he had pulled a minor prank on me).

Playfully I said I just might do that. We were laughing and he said nah, you couldn't even if you tried. I agreed and said he couldn't either. He told me of course he could. I said no way, I'd wake up. We were both laughing.

He said "I'll show you". And he grabbed a pillow and held it over my face. But he held it very tight and for too long. I of course at first thought he was kidding around, but then I started to panic because I couldn't breathe and I was trying to fight him to get it off me but he just held it there.

I fought as hard as I could and I got it off. He had kind of a nasty smirk on his face (I think?? Maybe I imagined it but he definitely looked weird to me). I was so shocked and upset by what happened that I started to cry and just got up and walked out of the room. As I did he said "fuck you".

I had no idea WTF just happened. I went downstairs and stayed on the couch all night. He didn't come see me. The next day I confronted him but he said he was only kidding and I panicked for no reason. I told him he held it too hard and too long and he said no way...that I panicked and that made the time seem much longer than it really was. That he only did it for a moment. I asked why he didn't stop when I fought to get it off and he said he doesn't remember me fighting to get it off...that he only held it there for a moment and that again, it's just my panic and anxiety that is making it seem so much longer.

I asked him then why did he say "fuck you" when he saw me crying and walking out. He said he doesn't remember saying that. I asked why he didn't come see me and he said he thought I was just pissed off with him because I panicked and that he fell asleep right after. I said he totally scared me and he apologized.

​

What happened there? Is it possible that my panic caused me to imagine it was much longer than it really was? Was he trying to kill me and chickened out? Was he trying to kill me and I successfully broke free which is why he said "fuck you"? I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone.

​

tldr: boyfriend and I were playing around and I think he tried to smother me.

Submitted May 26, 2021 at 09:53PM by Bright_Inevitable_68 https://ift.tt/3yJV1ZI