I’m in a friend group of about six people. Layla and I are the only women in the group. We’re pretty undramatic (no love triangles, etc – I’m in a stable relationship of 10 years with someone in the group, and Layla is dating someone outside of the group), but I’ve always felt this weird competitive vibe coming from Layla – specifically around our body sizes. I don't get this with any of my other female friends. After a few years of this, it’s making me on edge every time I’m around her.
For context, Layla and I are more or less the same size. I’m 167cm (5’5/5’6), 53kg (117lbs), and she’s probably the same weight and 1 or 2 cm shorter. We both have smallish frames, but our height actually makes both of us a little taller than average.
The way she talks though, you’d think I was a giant orc lumbering around her dainty pixie smolness.
- She’ll talk about how she likes to walk behind me at gigs because I can physically clear a path, when it’s really hard for her to push through because she just gets shoved around by all these giant men.
- If she likes something I’m wearing, she’ll say something like “I hope they carry it in my size though”. Again, we’re the same freaking size. I’ve borrowed her clothes before and they fit perfectly.
- She’s made comments on how when we’re all getting in the car, the car sinks under everyone’s weight differently and how she’s ‘embarrassed’ because the car doesn’t shift at all when she gets in.
- She always makes jokes about how being Asian makes her light and small. The entire group is Asian except me, so this feels a little pointed.
- When I was considering weightlifting, she said I’d take to it really well whereas she would just get pinned to the bench by the barbell.
- We had a strangely terse exchange about computer mouse sizes the other week. She was asking the group what mouse she should buy, and I recommended the one I use. She said, “Oh, thanks Cactopode but I probably need a really small mouse since I have tiny hands.” I said, “Mine is actually a small mouse, that’s one of the reasons I got it. Trust me it’s really good!” And she said something like, “Yeah, but it’s probably fine for you to use, like you could use [notoriously large guy in our group’s] mouse, but I definitely need a really small mouse because my hands are small.” I just let it go, but we’ve actually compared hand sizes in the past (guess whose idea?) and our hands are IDENTICAL in size – and neither of us have tiny baby hands.
It’s honestly exhausting, and I think I’m taking crazy pills because it seems like everyone else in the group has drunk the Kool-Aid. We had a similar conversation to the mouse conversation about controllers, and Layla and I were both talking about how we dislike the Xbox controller and how clunky it is. One friend chimed in with, “Well, it’s probably a lot harder for Layla to use than you, because she has really small hands.” Likewise, when I asked to borrow Layla’s heels, another friend said, “I doubt they’ll fit you Cactopode, I can drive you back to your place to grab yours.” (They fit perfectly, btw). People will also make joking comments about how small Layla is all the time, which is wild to me because - she’s the same height and weight as me and we’re not that small!
This is disturbing me for a couple of reasons. One, we’re pretty much the same height and weight and we are simply not that small. 5’5” is above average in height for a woman. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Women are allowed to occupy space.
And two, I actually had an eating disorder in my early 20s. I’m mostly okay now, but the constant implications that I’m huge or heavy or masculine carry a little extra weight (excuse the pun). It’s hard to stay in a healthy headspace about my body when I’m constantly on the receiving end of these barbs. It’d be fine if it were just Layla, she’s obviously got a hangup – but the fact that everyone (except my boyfriend) is starting to buy into it and echo her sentiments is making me spiral a little.
I’d prefer to not bring up my eating disorder, as it’s extremely private and I’d prefer no one knew about it – but I don’t know how to begin approaching Layla about the constant comments, since it’s such an incredibly awkward topic. Any advice would be really appreciated!
Tl;dr: My friend is constantly comparing our (near identical) body sizes to highlight how ‘small’ she is. It’s starting to get really uncomfortable for me, and my history with an ED doesn’t help. This is a really awkward topic though, and I don’t know how to approach it.
Submitted May 31, 2021 at 04:01PM by throwRA_cactopode https://ift.tt/3vD8mBe
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