My (39f) boyfriend (44m) is verbally abusive....he just did something I think is physically abusive but he says I caused it...I just need clarity

I have been with him for 7 years. He has ADHD and depression (takes meds for both) but definitely struggles with emotional regulation.

He has had episodes where he gets mad at me and is somewhat verbally abusive. We've talked about this a lot, but he still struggles to keep his emotions in-check. Last week, he was already in a mood...bad day at work, etc. He was hungry and wanted a specific sandwich (from a take out place near us). I offered to go grab it. His daughter wanted the same sandwich but without onions. No problem.

I went there and ordered, specifying one with no onions. Brought it home. When I walked in, he was already a bit tense because he was trying to find something on his laptop for work.

I handed his daughter the sandwiches and she came out and said "neither of the sandwiches have onions on them....dad's is the same as mine".

I said "oh no, I definitely told them just to leave them off one...." But my partner freaked out. He started ranting that I was unbelievable. That I couldn't even get a sandwich right. I tried to protest that I hadn't told them to leave them off both, but he said I should have watched them make them. I was just quiet at this point because he had just insulted me in front of his daughter (she's 14) and I was embarrassed and angry. He then said he wasn't going to eat the sandwich and got up and threw it in the garbage and walked upstairs.

While he was upstairs I left and went to stay at my mom's. He started texting me saying he was sorry, begging me to come back, etc. I didn't come back for 2 days.

Then last night we argued again about me leaving last week. He said I'm threatening our relationship by running away every time I'm mad at him. He said he apologized and my knee-jerk reaction is to leave. Unfortunately our discussion turned into a fight. The fight was my fault...I felt he was blaming my reaction more than the original problem in the first place. I became escalated and raised my voice and told him he was a verbally abusive moron (<-- yeah, I see the irony there). He kept arguing, so I jumped up and walked out.

He followed me and smacked me in the back of the head with his phone. Later I told him that he's now verbally AND physically abusive. He texted me:

fuck off with the physically abusive shit... fuck off!! You go WAY out of your fucking way to get me so fucking mad, knowing full well that I have anger management issues...I tell you ahead of time, I beg you to stop.. but you do it fucking intentionally.

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Can anyone looking in from the outside tell me what I'm supposed to think at this point? Am I escalating? I don't know what to think or do.

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tldr: My boyfriend gets mad a lot and has now been physical but says I create this situation.

Submitted May 26, 2021 at 07:35PM by Melodic_Tune_3000 https://ift.tt/3hVTsSF