How can I (24F) open up a dialogue with my boyfriend (27M) about dividing household responsibilities more equitably?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and have lived together for 2 of them. We have a really wonderful relationship overall and I love him to bits. He struggles with ADHD and has a lot of trouble with routine, staying focused, sticking to tasks, etc. I'm naturally more "Type-A" and don't have much trouble staying focused and organized. Keeping my living space clean is important to me; I'm not perfectly organized, but I like to come home to a relatively tidy space. As a result, I find myself shouldering a lot more of the burden when it comes to chores. My boyfriend helps with some of the cleaning too; he always takes out the trash, he helps with dishes when we cook, but he also is very disorganized and leaves small disasters in his wake. His clothes end up everywhere, cabinets are always left open, he'll leave his laundry in the washing machine for days, his side of the room is in total disarray, etc. If I trip over his shoes one more time, I feel like I'm going to snap.

I find it frustrating because I feel like I'm constantly picking up after him. I don't do his laundry or his chores for him, but I will "tidy" up everything in our shared space. I gather his clothes up and put them on his side of the room, throw his toiletries into a drawer, stack his dishes in the sink or dishwasher. I'm also the one that remembers and does bigger chores than just general tidying, like sweeping, washing the sheets, etc. When I voice my frustration, my boyfriend gets upset- not with me, but with himself and the fact that he struggles so much with basic tasks. Not even just with cleaning, but all areas of his life; it really affects his confidence. I want to be sensitive to the fact that this is something he deals with, but at the same time, it's hard to live with sometimes, and I don't know how to broach the subject without making him feel bad about himself. I know he tries, and he's not a lazy person. He notices and appreciates when I clean, he helps when I ask, and I see him take initiative at times, but overall these tasks just literally do not cross his mind. Or he gets distracted halfway through. A counter that looks messy to me won't even register as a mess to him. He'll do an entire sink of dishes and then leave a single spoon. He's tried medication, but Adderall makes him really irritable and he doesn't take it often as a result.

Has anyone else lived with a partner with ADHD and figured out a system that works for both of you? I'm tired of being the manager of the house and feeling like I'm nagging.

TL;DR! - My boyfriend has ADHD and has trouble staying on task, and it's causing me to shoulder the burden of housework.

Submitted May 26, 2021 at 02:35PM by sunsetbromeliad https://ift.tt/3hSLidO