My boyfriend is in a massive strop with me because I brought up feeling manipulated into doing anal. (28f)(30m)

Together 1 year.

It’s a long story but, my boyfriend has always put a LOT of emphasis on me doing anal with him. To the point I think he’s obsessed with it.

I don’t mind, I’ve done it before and actually enjoyed it, but the way he made me feel about the whole thing was a bit of a turn off. He used to be extremely degrading while we were doing it which I didn’t like. When I brought this up, he told me how often his exes did it with him and how much he enjoyed it and that he wished I did it more because he loved it so much and they all wanted to do it loads whereas I don’t.

Now I felt like I had to match up to these exes of his so did it more but it always felt wrong. I felt sad and pressurised into doing something I previously enjoyed just because it wasn’t out of my own choice anymore but more an insecurity thing.

I kept to myself for ages but after talking to friends I brought it up like this, “I feel like some of the things you’ve said and done make me feel a bit manipulated into doing anal with you, because I feel insecure when you compare me to your exes”

His response was essentially this - “fuck off, you’re a cheap -degrading term here- who loves opening your ass to other men. I’ve never had to force any other girl to do anal. I don’t want a chick that I force to do stuff that loved opening her ass for every other guy”

Cue literally two hours of him repeating this statement in various terms while I attempted to explain.

Eventually I was just begging him to listen to me. I said I shouldn’t have said it like that. I explained this was NOTHING to do with me doing anal with other guys. I kept saying I felt upset because he compared me to his exes and degraded me and made me feel inadequate. After hours of this, his response:

“Go back to guys you loved opening your ass for. I don’t want you, you’re gross, you’re disgusting. I don’t want you. I’ve never had to force anyone else to do that. Just get with those loser guys. You’re cheap, easy etc”

And no matter how much I explained this was SO irrelevant, and was to do with US and no one else he just kept repeating it. I kept saying HE was the one obsessed with exes not me. Did he listen? No. He kept saying the issue was that I “loved doing it for other guys” - which I didn’t even say!

And then he said I “deserve to be thrown out” and apparently I “shouldn’t have brought it up in the first place” and I deserve to be upset and I deserve to not be spoken to because it was my fault for even talking about it.

I got mad and said he needs to grow up and listen to me, adults don’t throw away a conversation given I’d explained myself multiple times and retracted the word manipulation. But no. He just kept telling me to get back with other guys who I.... yeah you get the drift. I questioned his obsession on the matter and it devolved onto me just begging him to care about my upset (I was bawling) to which he said it didn’t matter because he was angry and “it’s not all about you”, and he doesn’t want to be nice to me because of “what I said”.

I wish I’d brought it up in a better way but how could I? He’s SO sensitive about this subject. I feel like no matter how I said it he was going to get upset and now we haven’t spoken for a few days and I don’t know how to make things better. He doesn’t care for my upset at all. What can I do to fix this? Or have i really screwed it up?

tldr Bf has tried to guilt me into doing more anal by comparing me to his exes and implying I’m inadequate. I tried to bring this up but he won’t listen at all and is now fixated that I loved doing it for other guys and I’m cheap and he doesn’t want me anymore. Have I fully messed this up?

Submitted June 24, 2020 at 03:48PM by throwaway837382hs https://ift.tt/2NpZs5x