I [24M] am considering ending a 8-year relationship with my SO [24F]... merely because of sex. I loathe myself for this.

(I'm not a native so my English may sometimes be slightly off, apologies in advance.)

As mentioned in the title, I'm currently in what can be considered a long-term relationship (8.5 years is quite a lot when you're both 24) and I can't help but feel like it's crumbling merely for sex, which feels so wrong.

Bit of backstory. We met and started dating in high school, we were 16, and therefore are each other's only "serious" relationship. During these years together, we have faced exceptionnally tough hardships, and yet she has always been there for me. She's smart, she's caring, she's as much of a couch potato as I am, loves cats and ordering pizzas as much as I do. She's very easy and pleasant to live with... almost everything is perfect. Almost.

Sex together always has been a painful experience, both figuratively and literally. She's experiencing discomfort/pain almost whenever we have a penetrative sexual intercourse. She has seen different doctors, whose answer was always the same: relax and lubricate. F\ck you, we're already pouring so much oil down there that I could cook french fries in it, if not for the temperature.* Needless to say this didn't help much.
Four years ago, her sex drive began to dwindle down - not just penetrative sex (which quite obviously became a repulsive) but also oral sex, which we both liked. Days turned into weeks turned into months, and she barely accepted one of us to go down on the other around once every two weeks.
Shit happened in the meantime, I didn't want to be a jerk so I didn't press the issue too much, hoping she would be able to sort it out, not just for me but most importantly for herself.

I regularly (once every two or three months maybe) reminded her that it would be great to sort this issue, among others. Eight months ago, after maybe a bit of insistance on my side, she went to see a midwife, which are less "disease-oriented" (and arguably "softer") than gynecologists. She gave her a few recommendations, massage the zone, practice in "solo sessions" to re-learn how to control her desire & body. We have talked about it, and the truth is for the most part... she confessed she is not doing it. I remained silent, but deep inside I'm nfuriated.

As of today, we have not even initiated anything sexually in the past three weeks - we sleep in the same bed. I don't know whether she takes the issue too lightly (it's been years, dammit), or if she simply doesn't want things to change.

I really tried to give her ample time, to not press the issue, to avoid any kind of "emotional/sexual blackmail". I tried everything, to try and take better care of my looks so I'm more sexually attractive, to talk with her about it, to avoid the topic, to wait for her to do the first move, to take the lead, to offer my help, to come along with her to the gynecologist appointment, to search new possible sources of "inspiration": nothing has worked. She says she loves me, but that "something is wrong" and she "doesn't know why" but she "fails to put herself in the mood".

I wish I could say "sex doesn't matter this much" but years of sexual frustration and being seeminly nowhere near a solution are slowly but surely grinding me out, to the point where I now consider breaking up - another girl wouldn't display half of the support & understanding my current SO does, but I'm starting to think that at least I would maybe feel desirable and hate myself less for having sex drives.

TL;DR :

• Negligible amount of sexual intimacy in the past few years with my SO, who I have a great connection with on almost every other aspect
• Doesn't apply doctor's recommendation which makes me wonder whether she wants to solve the issue, albeit I opened to her on how this was hard for me to live with
• I feel like an asshole who cares too much about sex and loathe myself for this.

Submitted June 20, 2020 at 06:51PM by EternalBlue_ https://ift.tt/2YjFU9b