Me (30F) with husband (30m) constantly making me feel like I’m second best to his personal interests

I’ve been with my husband for 5 years, married one year with a 4 year old between us. This is a recurring issue between us but today it came to a head because I did damage control prior and still got in trouble.

I do a lot for our house. I recently had surgery that has left me kind of disabled. Prior to surgery I did as much as I could to make home life simple for my husband. This morning since we were all home I asked if he could run me to store after I took a shower so I could grab some things, to which he agreed. Somewhere between then and when we left chow buddies reached out - they all have CoD and they wanted to all play together. He asked me (while I was blow drying my hair) when I wanted to leave. I said he could play and I’d let him know when I was ready. He clearly stated he didn’t want to play, then stop, then get on again. So I said I could get myself to the store or find someone else to take me: he refused this option. (He later says he didn’t want that becaus he didn’t want whoever took me to think he prioritized his game over his wife.) I get ready quick and we leave. He gets pretty miserable while we’re out because it’s raining and our child is being bad. I try and keep mood light but I recognize this behavior from past experience when he’s doing something he doesn’t want to do (hed rather be at home doing his own thing).

We were gone a total of 45 minutes. When we get home I’m eating lunch, and he calls into living room “see? Now my buddy is going Xmas shopping and won’t be on to play”.

I lost my shit. I tried to get him to realize how him saying that is fucked up because HE was the one that insisted on accompanying me out even though I offered to go alone or with someone else more than once.

He claims he told me this because he was bummed but it wasn’t a big deal. But I took it that way because this happens often. He wants to constantly save face, but in doing so t makes me out to be the bad guy. I told him he can only be upset with himself.

I don’t know what to do. I try and avoid these scenarios but they are unavoidable. He is borderline narcissistic and always has to please everyone. He can’t do any wrong. I know he is stressed form taking on more work this past week and was looking forward to some down time to play, but he has played nightly.

in the future should i just not be asking for help at all? i do so much all the time but i cant so it all... how do i make him realize that he cant set me up for these traps where i get "in trouble" for a choice HE is making???

TLDR; husband has tendency to help me with things then make me feel like shit for it afterwards even after I give him the opportunity to not help me.

Submitted December 14, 2019 at 11:17AM by anonanona1236 https://ift.tt/2EgwX5Y