I (26f) accidentally found out my cousin is transgendered (17f2m) and I don't think I'm handling it well

I would like to preface this post saying that I love my cousin. I have since the day he was born, and that has not and will not ever change.

Over the weekend I accidentally found out my cousin was trans. I had gone to my aunt's house to cut all the kids hair and have her help me finish my skirt for my upcoming wedding. While I was there, the family kept referring to my cousin with a different name and using he/him. I didn't say anything at the time, because I'm a bit socially inept and was also a little sad that he hadn't told me.

I texted him later that night reminding him that I loved him no matter what, but that I didn't know what he didn't tell me and he told me everything. That he had come out a year ago to that side of the family and was going to start treatment soon, but was waiting to tell my side of the family until after he had started therapy. I understand, since my side of the family is extremely religious and not the most open-minded, but I was still a little hurt that I hadn't known. Which, my problem not his.

HOWEVER.

Ever since that night I have had increasingly horrific bouts of anxiety. Just this lingering feeling of dread and fear is hanging over me. I cry. Everytime I think about him it gets worse. I know the statistics. I know the way this world treats people. I know the suicide rate of trans teens. I know how my family is but I honestly don't know how they're going to respond to this.

Ever since we lost my uncle (their dad) when they were little, I've basically taken on a weird role in his and his younger sisters life. They're more like my siblings or my children. I take them school shopping. I take them on vacations. They stay at my house and I've exposed them to everything I can. If anything ever happened to either of them I think I would actually die.

I am terrified of the future for him, and it's not my place to be. I know that. I feel terrible that this gives me so much anxiety when I know that I should be happy for him.

How do I get past this fear? How can I help him with everything that's going to come?

TL:DR Version: my cousin told me he was trans and I'm having crippling anxiety over his safety and how my family will respond to the news

Submitted December 26, 2019 at 08:42PM by doubleconfvsed https://ift.tt/2SuHR00