My ex-best friend (we'll call her Parker) and I were friends for almost 7 years. We were super close (to the point where I almost feel like we were dating each other, just minus the sex) for years, and then we both went off to college. Naturally, it became harder to stay close, but for the last 3 years of our friendship, I found it surprisingly hard to not constantly complain about her. Almost every update I gave to my mother over the phone about how things were going started with "Ugh, did I tell you what Parker did/said?". It was becoming a little ridiculous. About a year before we stopped speaking, I attempted to end the friendship over a fight that we had regarding how I felt that Parker perceived me (she called me her bestie but never introduced me to her other friends, boyfriends, etc. and almost seemed embarrassed of me if I ever suggested that we skype when her other friends were around), but Parker started crying and begged me to forgive her because she cared about me (she also never denied that she was embarrassed of me. She just apologized).
Fast forward to 2 months before we stopped speaking to each other: I could write a novel about this "break-up" but I'll keep it simple. Parker was home for the summer and started sleeping with her manager at her part-time job. She decided not to tell me about this (which is her business) but instead told a mutual friend of ours who also has a lot of anxiety and HATES when people ask her to keep secrets. This friend then proceeded to get drunk one night and told me everything, particularly the part about how Parker was afraid that I would judge her if she told me. One thing lead to another and we ended up having a huge fight about it and haven't spoke since (the mutual friend also cut ties with Parker at this time and has not spoken to her).
Now, it is 2 and half years later, and I need to express how things have changed since we last spoke. I can completely understand that I may have come off as judgmental, during this time. I was losing my best friend with every passing year and was kind of mean to her, in response. I also realize that people change. While I was definitely at fault for some of our "break up," so was Parker. She was enjoying having friends that she deemed "cool" and feared introducing her old, embarrassing, high school friends to them (which is shitty, but I also understand that she was trying to preserve her happiness). Either way, I have thought about Parker several times over the years and wanted to reach out to her to apologize, but I feel like it may not be the right time because part of me still wants an apology from her, as well, and I know that if I give an apology but do not receive one back, I may end up resenting her all over again. Basically, I'm asking if apologizing would be worth it/how I can get over this need that I feel to have her apologize back?
TL;DR!- My best friend of 7 years (Parker) and I "broke up" 2 and a half years ago because of an argument and haven't spoke since. Would apologizing to her for how I acted be worth it/how I can get over this need that I feel to have her apologize back for how she acted?
Submitted December 30, 2019 at 12:24PM by jossome22 https://ift.tt/2FbuCcI
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