My (24M) gf (26F) is on the autism spectrum. I'm used to it and it doesn't bother me, but one of my friends has said that my close-knit friend group is bothered by her behavior. I know that it comes from a sense of concern but I genuinely don't know what to do.

Throwaway for several reasons.

I started dating my current about a year ago. We're taking things pretty slow but at this point she has met my parents and regularly comes to group events with my close-knit group of friends, whom I've known for 6 years. As the title says, my SO has Asperger's syndrome, which makes it difficult for her to pick up on social cues and nonverbal signaling.

As an example, we were playing a party "bingo" where the squares were populated with in-jokes about recurring events at our gatherings ("x tells a bad joke", "y mentions metal", etc.). My SO thought that the object was to try to win the game, and tried to make those things happen so that she would have bingo, not understanding that it wasn't an actual bingo game. I explained to her alone that the game wasn't supposed to be won, and she understood.

This is typically how things go at parties, with my SO doing something related to her atypical brain and my explaining quietly later on the "rules." She no longer drinks at parties so that she can focus on picking up cues, but inevitably, things come up and I could sort of sense that my friends were tolerating her presence for my sake (they didn't know until today that she is on the spectrum), and my fears were confirmed today.

One of my good friends, W, reached out to me over an event that had occurred at a recent party where my gf said something a little embarassing, expressing concern over her behavior. I responded by explaining that my gf is on the spectrum (I was torn about doing this, because I don't really feel it's my place to talk about that), and that she has difficulty picking up on things. She responded with something to the effect of "that explains some things, but doesn't really change anything."

The following conversation can be summarized as W saying that my gf's presence was mostly tolerated for my sake and that she stresses people out with her behaviors. W went on to say that no one knows gf and finds it odd that gf likes being apart of the friend group when the extent of her interactions with them are occasionally sending links to things she finds interesting. W finished by saying that, from an outside perspective, it seems that I'm taking care of gf even though she's older than I am and an adult (I pushed back on that, gf is financially independent and lives autonomously by herself when she doesn't stay the night at my place, she just has issues with social cues).

The conversation ended when I said that I needed time to process what had been said. I also said that I couldn't, in good conscience, attend gatherings that my SO wasn't also invited to.

I haven't told my gf about the conversation as I'm afraid it would devastate her. She has tried really hard to socialize and recognize cues, but it's difficult for her outside of a detached setting, and is a genuinely kind person who tries to show she cares in the ways that she knows how (she makes gifts and knits presents for my friends regularly). I'm at a loss as to what to do and any advice would be appreciated.

TL;DR: Friend confirmed my fears that my gf's atypical brain causes friction with our shared friend group. I'm at a loss of what to do or how to handle it from here.

Submitted December 29, 2019 at 08:36PM by Puzzled-Independent https://ift.tt/358gf3x