I (27F) befriended a Chinese orphan (15F) while working in China. She has since been adopted by an American family (40s?), but she's really depressed and suicidal. How can I help?

I've been working in China on and off for a few years. Back in 2014, I volunteered at a local orphanage, and befriended a few of the children. This girl in particular, Jane, took to me almost immediately and we ended up bonding in a very profound way. My ex-husband and I entertained the idea of adopting her, but we were much too young at the time. Still, we remained a constant presence in her life, tutoring her after school, gifting her nice clothes, and staying in touch even when abroad.

Jane was adopted by an American family in 2016. We lost all contact until last year, when I was finally able to find her on social media. Since then, we've become even closer friends, because there's no longer such a big language barrier between us. During this past year, Jane has really opened up to me. I've taken the role of her big sister, and confidante. I can see that she's struggling to fit in the US, which is to be expected. However, she is also struggling to fit in with her new family.

I don't know much about Jane's parents other than they're Christians, and have a large family. As far as I'm aware, they have 3 biological children, and 3 other kids, all adopted internationally (2 African brothers, and Jane). Jane frequently mentions that she loves her family and that she wishes she could be closer with her parents, especially with her mother, but that they often seem too busy or upset. As a result, Jane is quite scared about opening up to them. She's also having trouble connecting with her sisters, because she is jealous of the connection they have with their mother. To make matters worse, she feels very isolated because her new family doesn't allow her to contact her old friends from the Chinese orphanage. I understand that this might be a well-intentioned attempt to force her to focus on her new life, but she has gotten increasingly depressed as a result.

When I suggested that she speaks with a counselor, Jane said that she had already asked her mother to make an appointment for her, but that she was too busy and had eventually forgotten. This was 6 months ago. Jane feels like a burden and, as a result, doesn't want to ask her again. I've also suggested that she speaks with a school counselor, but she doesn't seem comfortable with that either. Yesterday my heart dropped when Jane told me that she has been having suicidal thoughts ever since she moved to the US, and that they've gotten worse in the past 3 months.

I am aware that I need to intervene and tell her family about what she's told me, but I don't know how to proceed. I've only spoken with Jane's mother, Anna, once. At the time, I happened to be in the US, so I tried to set up a visit. Anna was quite approachable but, unfortunately, she was too busy to host me. She was going on a business trip to Mexico, and her oldest daugher was getting married right after. She knows that Jane and I remain in contact, but she has never introduced herself during any of our calls or video (even though I suggested that when trying to set up the meeting).

I don't want to overstep any boundaries, but I do think that Jane's family is not providing her with the appropriate amount of support that she needs right now. I'm honestly afraid that, if I make a wrong move, they might restrict Jane's communication with me, and I'm the currently the only person she feels comfortable talking to. Similarly, I'm afraid that Jane will stop trusting me after I tell her family what's going on -- though there is no way around that.

TLDR: I'm friends with a Chinese orphan who was adopted into an American family. She's struggling to fit in and having suicidal thoughts. How can I help her without overstepping any boundaries?

Submitted December 30, 2019 at 12:05PM by ElatedElf https://ift.tt/2MJHZ8l