He (19m) warned me (19f) that his parents wouldn’t like me because of my race and religion. But he seems to really love that they don’t like me, like he’s trying to be rebellious and I’m his vehicle to do so. I’m really not liking this dynamic. What should I do?

Background information: I’m white and Catholic, the granddaughter of immigrants from Central Europe. Growing up, the two sides of my family got along really well with each other, and as a result, I really value being able to get along with the family of whomever I’m dating. My boyfriend, “Joseph”, was born in the US to Korean parents. He is Protestant (Presbyterian).

Joseph and I have been dating for a little over 3 months. We’re on break from school right now and happen to be from the same metro area, so while we’re home for the holidays, we’re meeting each other’s parents. He met mine last week. Today I went over to his parents’ house for dinner. He had warned me beforehand that they wouldn’t like me because I’m white and Catholic. So needless to say, I was very nervous.

To his parents’ credit, they were nice to me... at least at first. Things started to get strange during the dinner conversation.

Joseph’s dad: So, you’re from (town)... what high school did you go to there?

Me: I went to (name of high school).

Joseph: She was on the varsity swim team!

Joseph’s dad: Interesting.... did you do anything else at school?

Me: yes, I was in the orchestra.

Joseph’s dad: What instrument did you—

Joseph: And she worked as a lifeguard!

A little while later, Joseph’s parents were speaking to each other in Korean and Joseph interrupted them by saying, in English, “Did you know (my name) speaks fluent German?” His dad sort of rolled his eyes.

Then Joseph’s mom asked me what I did for Christmas.

Me: Well, my family mostly celebrates Christmas on Christmas Eve. We went to church, and then we went to my aunt’s house to celebrate with the whole extended family.

Joseph’s mom: Church? You go every week?

Me: Yes!

Joseph’s mom: Well, that’s good—

Joseph: She’s Catholic.

I shot daggers at him with my eyes, trying to say why did you have to do that?! This was going well!

Joseph’s dad: Catholic?!

He proceeded to try to argue with me about theology, ranting about all the things he hates about Catholics. I bit my tongue to avoid engaging and waited for him to calm down.

The conversation was awkward and lulled after that. Joseph filled the silence by saying, “hey mom, guess what? (My name)’s parents have four pets!”

Joseph’s mom laughed. “Why you white people fill your houses with animals, I’ll never understand.”

That was when I realized that Joseph was purposefully trying to anger his parents and sabotage my chances of getting along with them by emphasizing everything stereotypically white about me. Swimming, lifeguarding, speaking German, having pets (I didn’t even realize this was stereotypically white until his mom said so!). There are so many things about me that they might actually like, and instead Joseph put on a “look how white and Catholic my girlfriend is!” show.

I think it’s a rebellion thing. We’re freshmen in college, and he’s always been a “good kid”. He probably loves that he’s pissing off his parents by dating me. He’s probably dreamed of rebelling like this for years.

But I want to be in a relationship where getting along with the family is at least within the realm of possibility. I don’t want to be someone’s Juliet.

I’m really annoyed and kind of hurt right now. Is this valid grounds for breaking up, or is this fixable? What’s my next step?

TL;DR: boyfriend’s parents don’t like me because I’m white and Catholic. When I met them, my boyfriend emphasized how white and Catholic I am to fuel their dislike of me. I really want to be able to get along reasonably well with my boyfriend’s family, but he seems to be using me as a means of rebelling against them. I don’t know what to do.

Submitted December 26, 2019 at 09:05PM by sapphire6540 https://ift.tt/34WeUN7