I’m [23F] a bridesmaid in my friend’s wedding to her girlfriend. My parents [late 50s M&F] are making homophobic comments about it. They don’t know I’m gay.

I’m currently staying with my parents for the holidays. I live far enough away that I visit my hometown once or twice a year, and my parents have never been able to come to visit me. A natural consequence of this is that even though I’ve historically had a decent relationship with my parents, they’re not particularly plugged into what’s going on in my life.

I’ve been struggling with my sexual orientation since I was a teenager. I was raised Catholic in a liberal US state which meant I was exposed to what being gay was in a positive way pretty early in my life, but knew there was some reason I wasn’t supposed to talk about it with my parents. Without ever really thinking about it, I spent a lot of my teenage years sneaking around with girls while lying compulsively about it to everyone in my life. As an adult, I’ve gone through a lot of personal growth and now openly date and love women. I’m happy with who I am and am lucky to have friends who support and accept me. I was planning to share this with my parents while I’m here, since they don’t know enough about what I get up to to even be suspicious. Even though my parents are god fearing, wine chugging, self loathing Catholics, I figured the influence of our city and the modern world combined with them being nice people meant I could trust them.

My dear friend [24F] is getting married to her partner [26F] of six years in October. Both brides are people I’ve known and loved for years, and I couldn’t be more honored to have been invited to be part of my friend’s bridal party. Since I live far away from my hometown I hadn’t seen her in almost a year, so I was very pleasantly surprised when she asked me last night. I’ve never been in a wedding before and to be involved with this friend’s wedding means more to me than I can describe. She and I grew up together and she’s had a profound impact on who I am.

Given how close I am with this person, she’s also someone my mom knows and loves. I was super excited to get back to my parents’ house and tell her the news. Her reaction?

“It’s not a wedding.”

This followed by her telling my dad “it’s a civil union” and my dad saying aloud that he hates gay people and saying he would do something violent to my tiny, lovely, sweet friend who I’ve known all my life that I don’t care to repeat. It was a vile reaction and I honestly felt like I was dreaming. I can’t believe I wasn’t even scared to come out to them before this incident. It was like the happiness wind was totally taken from my sails. We argued a little, I felt like a child getting yelled at by my parents, I left to take a walk and vent to a friend who has accepting parents. He didn’t have much advice to offer, but did offer me a place to stay if I need it while I’m here visiting my family.

What the hell do I do now? I can’t very well have a secret wife one day and I don’t want to put anyone through having to be secretive about a relationship with me. My heart is broken for my friend knowing that my mom - someone who means a lot to her - doesn’t support her on what should be one of the happiest days of her life.

I’m going back home to the other side of the US tomorrow. I don’t want to lie to my family for the rest of my life, but I don’t want to put myself in danger.

TLDR: I didn’t know my parents were homophobic. They don’t know I’m not straight. How do I move forward?

Submitted December 29, 2019 at 01:49PM by buffasno https://ift.tt/2QzryfS