TL;DR at bottom
Many years ago, my mum left my dad for another guy, which in itself was difficult to deal with, but what really made it so horrible for me was that this guy was someone I knew and he is my age.
I immediately took my dad's side in all this, despite having been closer to my mum until that time, and she moved out and I decided that I would never see her again.
I changed my mind after a few months, somewhat because she was still my mum, and aside from this had been a really devoted mother, but also because I hoped I could convince her to stay away from the other guy.
It didn't go down that way at all though, instead they ended up getting married and I reluctantly turned up last minute to their wedding. Some words were said the next day, and my Mum basically told me she didn't regret that she left my dad and ended up with her new husband, and she was sick of me dogmatically trying to suggest that she end it and it felt like she was implying I shouldn't see her anymore if that's all I was going to do.
I felt like that meant she didn't care she'd hurt us all and so I decided that day I was right to originally decide to cut her out, so that's what I did, and though I didn't block her number or take extreme measures like that, I did mostly ignore her attempts to get in contact with me.
At first I just thought that this was all her fault so I shouldn't feel guilty, but increasingly over the years I've started to think maybe I'm just punishing her, rather than actually feeling like I can't see her. Especially since my dad is happily remarried someone and they have a baby together. I did feel I really hurt her when I refused to go see her new kid, who is going to be 5 soon, and it probably only got worse that I have been quite a part of my dad's kid's life.
She's going to be 50 very soon, and I got a very long email from her about 2 weeks ago, asking if I would meet her. Most of her previous attempts, even when she had her new kid, were much more soft touch 'how are you? Are you free? I'd hate to go another year without seeing you' type messages in comparison.
She really laid it all out; how she missed me; told me some things she'd have liked me to see; stressed that still loves me and none of her choices were because 'she loved me any less than the day I was born' but she understood how they put a strain on me. She said she doesn't want to turn 50 without having seen me in years and really wants to know what she can do to convince me to see her. Where, when, with whom else, for how long, etc, all up to me.
I started off thinking I just shouldn't go as nothing has changed and she's still the bad guy for choosing to be with that guy. But she didn't even really mention him in her whole email, and I realise she just wants to see her son and again, maybe I'm just trying to punish her.
I feel seeing her is the right thing to do, but I don't know how. I've been thinking that maybe I should go to the BBQ she's hosting for her birthday. Going to a group event might be less intense and makes me less anxious but then I'll have to deal with seeing her husband, and my half-sibling, who I've basically ignored their whole life.
TL;DR
My mum left my dad many years ago, for a much younger man - my age, who I already knew. It made me hate her and I still haven't gotten over it. It's been so long she's now married with a kid to the same guy, but I still am debating no contact with her, even after she reached out with a very heartfelt letter. She's asked me to see her before her 50th birthday which is coming up imminently, saying she'll do whatever when, where, how, I want if it makes it easier for me to see her.
Should I meet her? If so, what is the best way to approach this reconciliation?
Thanks in advance for your help.
Edit: 2 words
Submitted July 05, 2019 at 10:59AM by throwawayshouldi123 https://ift.tt/2Xtry2y
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