My boyfriend [38M] embarrassed me [24F]at a work function by speaking a different language with my Mean Boss [50F?].

Reposted without use of a swear word...

I’ve recently started my first post-university job at a male-dominated firm. The firm has one woman in a senior leadership position, so I had hoped she could serve as a mentor, or at least as a role model, to me.

Unfortunately, she has taken an intense dislike to me from day one. She frequently makes jokes at my expense and belittles me in front of others, to the point where it has become a running joke amongst my colleagues. Usually she sticks to micro-aggressions and passive aggressive comments; other times, she intentionally sabotages my work. (Example: Informing me via email that I would not be speaking during a firm-wide conference call, then putting me on the spot mid-call with technical questions that I could not have answered without preparation.)

I’m trying to keep my head down and do the best job I can, because I don’t want to cause any drama as the “newbie.” Plus, this woman is my direct superior and I’d like to someday be on her good side.

Mean Boss happens to be from the same country as my boyfriend. He and I have been together for two years now, lived together for one of those years, and we have a very happy relationship.

Last night, my firm hosted a corporate dinner to celebrate a company milestone. With so many people away for the holiday weekend, we were invited to bring plus ones to boost numbers.

My boyfriend is aware of the situation with Mean Boss. Before the dinner, I told him that I didn’t mind how much he spoke to her - however my one “shallow girlfriend request” was that he not speak with her in their native language beyond a standard greeting. I don’t speak a word of my boyfriend’s mother tongue. Normally this is hardly an issue, but I hated the idea of my bully boss speaking with my boyfriend in a language that I don’t understand. I don’t know if this is an unreasonable thing to be insecure about. All I know is that the idea of it made me feel extremely uncomfortable.

Dinner party night. Mean Boss was sat across the circular table from my boyfriend and me. About ten minutes after the speeches had concluded, she leaned across the table and asked him, in English, if he is from their home country. When he confirmed it, she immediately asked to switch places with the person on his other side so that she could discuss their backgrounds. They began speaking in their native language.

At certain points in the conversation, I tried to chime in, but Mean Boss continued to respond in her native language (despite knowing that I don't speak it). At first, my boyfriend alternated between English and their language, but by the time starters had been served, he was exclusively speaking in their language. This lasted for the majority of dinner.

I was in a terrible mood by the end, and I asked to leave before the dancing began. Mean Boss continued to speak in their native language, but my boyfriend shook his head and agreed to go home with me. In the taxi, he told me that she was trying to convince him to stay behind with her after I left.

I told him that I felt extremely hurt and embarrassed by his actions. I expected rudeness from her, but I had repeatedly asked him before the dinner to avoid supporting her passive-aggression. He said that I was overreacting and that I should be more understanding over his excitement at meeting someone from his culture. Somehow this turned into an argument about the importance of culture, with him essentially saying that he felt a shared culture outweighed my temporary embarrassment.

We made up before going to bed, and today we’ve been chatting as normal, but I’m still hurt - not just at his actions, but also at his complete lack of appreciation for my point of view. I certainly don’t view this as “relationship-ending,” however I’m really disappointed that he can’t see my perspective. Should I just let this go? Is either of us in the right?

tl;dr: Boss regularly belittles me at work. Boyfriend speaks with her in their native language for the entirety of a work function, against my wishes. Now I'm hurt.

Submitted May 04, 2019 at 01:22PM by _notacunninglinguist http://bit.ly/2VLyco3